Dear Universe, ✔

14.

"You were gone when I left." 

"Yeah, I had to go see my mom." He didn't sound worried or upset when he said it, but he never goes to visit his mom unless it's Sunday. 

"Is she okay? Did something happen?" 

He turns away from me and looks out over the lake before turning back to me, biting his lip a little as if he's nervous. "She's fine, I just needed her advice on something."

He drove to Pleasant Hill just to ask her advice on something? The drive isn't that long, but still, it's Saturday. What's so important that it couldn't have waited until tomorrow?

"What did you need her advice about?" 

"You."

I don't take my eyes off his and he doesn't take his eyes off mine. Did I imagine the whole thing? Did he really just say that he drove all the way to Pleasant Hill to ask his mom's advice about me? At first I was kind of happy about the fact, thinking that maybe this meant he liked me too, but then panic set in. What if he went to ask his mom about how to handle being friends with someone who killed their little brother. What if he didn't know how to talk to me anymore and needed her advice about how to comfort me or...what if this is the moment everything changes?

"Me?" I asked hesitantly as he bites his lip again and I do the same, both of us suddenly nervous. 

"Yeah, you." His voice is low as his eyes study my face, gauging my reaction to this moment.

"What about me?" 

"This." His lips are touching mine, soft and light, before I even process what he had just said. When I kiss him back though, the kiss becomes more, like we have been holding back for months -since the day I bumped in to him and knocked that box out of his hands. I didn't know how badly I wanted this until I had it, I didn't know it was going to feel like this, like fireworks and a thunderstorm all at the same time. 

Ian had asked his mom for advice about kissing me, and I was going to have to write that woman a thank you note. 

He puts one hand on my hip and pulls me closer while his other hand finds its way to the back of my head, pulling me in even more so. I don't mind, I feel like I'm not close enough even though I'm practically sitting on him now. I tangle my fingers in his hair, loving that he keeps it longer on top.

He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against mine, his eyes dark and locked on mine. "Wow." So this was his plan?

We both laugh at his word choice and I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now. I know I've never been kissed like that, or even felt anything remotely close to it before. Wow was right.

"Did your mom tell you to do that?" I ask when I pull my face back from his, moving my hands from his hair to my lap where he takes on in his own, interlacing our fingers. 

Ian's laugh has always been one of my favorite sounds, ever since the first time I heard it, but right now it's lighter and happier,  making me adore it even more - making me adore him even more. "She actually asked why I haven't done it yet, and then told me to get out and not come back until I've kissed you and told you how much I like you." 

I notice how my own laugh sounds different now as well. Sure, I laugh a lot, but I haven't genuinely been happy in so long, that I forgot how it felt to laugh freely - without having to force it and the smiling. I had forgotten how my own laugh sounds, and now that I'm here with Ian, it's like I just got a little piece of myself back. 

"Why didn't you do it before?" I ask him as he rubs his thumb over mine in small circles. This is all so new, so fresh, but feels so natural. We've held hands before, but it feels different this time - better. 

"Because every time I tried, you ran from me." He wasn't upset about it or anything, he was just simply stating facts and I couldn't argue with him. I knew the times he was talking about, the party being the first, and then the night that he told me he liked me. I was scared of Ian and the way he made me feel. If I'm being honest, I'm still scared, but I'm ready to face my fear, especially if it means I get to feel like this. 

I can't stop smiling, and smiling has become such a foreign action to me that my face aches, but I welcome the aching because it feels so good to be happy and weightless like this. Every day Ian makes me feel more and more like my old self, something I have missed terribly. I know that once I'm alone and he's no longer touching me or smiling at me, I'll feel horrible for allowing myself this kind of happiness, but when I'm with him I just can't help it. 

"I'm sorry that I ran, I just wasn't-"

"Ready. I know, and it's okay. It's also okay if you're not ready now, just be honest with me, please." He looks so vulnerable sitting there in the moonlight, with his hair a mess from where my hands were running through it moments ago and his hazel eyes wide and begging me to not run away from him. 

I would have promised him anything in that moment. 

We don't stay at the park much longer, Ian drops me off at my house and we kiss again - not like we did before, but it still left my lips tingling when he pulled away. 

I can feel his eyes on me as I walk up the walkway and I am trying really hard to not turn around and let him see the goofy smile that is plastered on my face. 

"Hey, Annie."

I try to make myself look less like some love struck teenage girl before turning around, but I fail. I just can't stop smiling, my whole face is aching now from all the smiling I have been doing the past hour. "Yeah?"

Ian has his own goofy smile, and he makes no attempt to hide it. It's hard to believe that when I met him almost four months ago that he was this quiet, awkward boy that wouldn't make eye contact or talk much. 

"Do you want to go with me to see my mom tomorrow?"