I Never Planned on You // Davey Jacobs

Seventeen

Saying goodbye to David as quickly as I could, I rush out the room and down the stairs, needing to go somewhere to straighten out my thoughts, to process what he just told me.

You're family...I care about you...

Ignoring the boys calling out to me as I pass them, I wipe long-dried tears from my face and make for the door. Throwing it open, I start running in the direction that will lead me to the Refuge. I just wanted to see Crutchie right now. Needed to know he's alive or at least not severely injured. Pushing myself faster, I try to outrun the thoughts in my head telling me that Crutchie was as good as dead now, focusing only on forcing myself to breath.

Arriving out of breath, I slow down in front of the Refuge. Sneaking around the side, I climb onto of a box in front of one of the windows, ignoring the sour smell of the alleyway. Peering through the bars, I scan the room for any sign of Crutchie. When I didn't see him, I climbed down and pushed the box to the next window, wincing as the box scrapped loudly across the ground. Looking through the next set of bars, I see a boy lying underneath the window, his face covered in dirt.

"Psssss".

He lifts his head up, confused, looking to see where the voice came from. "Up here!" I whisper-yell. Sitting up, he turned to his head up to me, a frown forming on his face.

"What you doin here? Yous wanna get caught?"

"Ise lookin for someone. Short, blonde, walks with a limp? Is he here?"

The boy nods at me. "Yeah, they brought him in a few hours ago. Roughed him up pretty bad."

Grimacing, I ask, "Can I talk to him?"

"You his goil?" He asks, puzzlement etched on his face.

"No, Ise just someone who cares about him. I'm family."

He seemed to accept that answer. "Wait 'ere. I'll get a few boys to help him up 'ere."

"Thanks kid"

He hops off the top bunk and I watch as he disappears, listening to his feet thumping across the wooden floors.

Tapping my fingers against the bar, I wait for him to come back, shoving aside the unease and fear growing inside from being back here. Staring at the room, it's exactly how I remember it. Bare walls, dirty floors, and as many bunk beds as the room can fit. Most of the beds had thin mattresses and only half got the luxury of having a blanket-torn and dirty. Two to three people were forced to share a bed. The conditions were already bad enough and then Snyder would force these kids together, most of them sick, raising the chances of spreading a disease that would most likely kill them. He didn't care if any of them died. That just made more room for more children that he could profit off of. It disgusts me.

My breath catches and my heart clenches as I watch Crutchie get carried to the bed. Crutchie winces with every movement as he pushes himself onto the bunk. Settling down against the bars, Crutchie grits his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut, fighting to hide the pain miserably. An angry bruise is forming over his eye and there's a cut on his lip. Judging by his movements, I'd say they bruised up his ribs and back pretty good.

Reaching through the bars, I hold out my hand. "Crutchie, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

His hand grasps my own and I hold on for dear life. Praying that some of my strength will transfer to him. Pressing my head against the bars, I push back the tears threatening to spill. "Ya dumb crip. Why didja have to go after me?"

Squeezing my hand in comfort, "Because that's what family does. We look out for each other." Crutchie lets out a laughing, sending him into a coughing fit.

"It shoulda been me." I say, bitterly. The guilt I was feeling was eating me alive. "Why didja have go all big brother on me and have David stop me?"

"If Davey hadn't stopped ya then we'd both be here and I told ya that I'd never let you go back here. I'm glad he did."

Groaning, I softly hit my head against the bars, the cold metal pressed against my skin. "Yeah, that's what he said too."

"He's a good kid Books. Don't be so hard on him." Crutchie smiles at me.

"It's a bit late for that." I admit.

"What happened?"

"I kinda blamed everything on him. Yell at him a lot. Made him feel pretty bad about the whole thing. I messed up big time."

"You did, eh?" Crutchie asks, slight laughter in his voice.

Tilting my face up, I grimaced at him. "I did. I think, I just projected my guilt onto him."

"Don't beat yaself up ova it. Ise sure Davey will understand if ya apologize." Crutchie quietly laughs at me.

"I did. And the thing is, he wasn't angry at me. He actually tried to apologize to me. I don't understand why he wasn't mad. Why he didn't hate me."

"Ya can't hate someone you care about."

"How do you know he cares about me?" I narrow my eyes at him, Crutchie's too observant for his own damn good.

"How don't you?" I do now. And I didn't know what to say to him. I haven't had anyone care about me like that before. I'm not used to caring about many people anymore and I'm even worse at admitting it.

Hesitantly, I clear my throat. "He said he cared about me." I shyly admit, looking away from Crutchie's smug grin.

"It's about time."

"Shove it Crutch. It hasn't even been that long." I snap.

"It don't matter." Crutchie replies, laughter in his voice. I'm glad his spirit hasn't dimmed yet.

"But Ise don't understand why he thought tellin me that would make this better."

"It might not have been tha best timing but people do stupid things for tha ones they care about. Look at me." He gestures with his free hand to himself.

"I'm going to get ya out of here." I promise, gladly changing the conversation. Staring at him, I make a vow to myself that Snyder, Pulitzer, all of them were going to pay for this.

"Don't worry 'bout me. Just make sure ya we win this fight."

"I swear it."

Giving me a sad grin, Crutchie lets go of my hand. "Yous best get outta here before they catch ya. And say hey to the boys for me. And David." Crutchie sends a small wink my way.

I shake my head at him. I can't believe that was what he was focusing on right now. "I'll be back. With food. Can't have ya starve. Bye Crutch. Try not to be the hero in there." 

Letting go of the bars, I hop off the box. Making sure no one was around, I took off running for home.