a series of anecdotes. // kpop + cpop

Into It \\ Cai Xukun

"So you're going to leave just like that? After everything? Again?" Her voice stuttered ever so slightly as she spoke, her dark hair sprawled across the stark white of the sheets. The wetness on her cheeks accentuating her cheekbones that I wanted to hold and press thousands of kisses on each day. Time and distance however proved otherwise.

"I told you, I have a flight today," I sighed, running my fingers through the mess of bleached hair on top of my head. Picking up items of clothing I hoped was mine littering the expanse of her floor, "We'll figure this out when I get back."

"That's what you always say," She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, looking away from me and through the curtains that weren't doing much to keep the morning sunlight out. It streamed in and threw itself across her miles of caramel skin making her look like every bit of goddess I knew her to be.

With another heavy hearted sigh, I sat down; feeling the bed dip under my weight.

"Hey, look at me, I'll come back I always do." I waited for her to turn to me but she didn't. I let my hand rest against her cheek, gently turning her face to look at me but her eyes wouldn't meet mine. I pressed my lips against her forehead, tangling my hand in her hair. I let my eyes flutter closed, I knew we wouldn't ever revisit the topic we had been fighting about. In a way I was glad, in a way I wasn't.

I wasn't into this whole relationship thing but she was the closest I had to it. I didn't know what to call it. A hundred million people screaming my name every other night yet the only one I actually cared about I couldn't even say a simple 'I love you' too. I'm not even sure I did, I've been on the road since I was sixteen. How was I suppose to know how any of those supposed feelings were true.

I'm just fucking into it then, into her. Into the unpredictability that came with performing in three different cities in one night. Into the unprecedented 'relationship' I had with her.

Whatever the hell it was.

Wirh that, I walked away. Turning my back on her, closing all the mental pressure and all of her behind in a badly lit motel room.

I knew all too well that'd she have wet, puffy eyes quickly fluttering open and close, pulling herself together. She'd notice the same dark blue velvet jacket that belonged to me that I left behind each time,

whether I simply forgot it or whether I chose to leave it behind so I could have some piece of mind that she'd always remember me was my secret.