Saturnalia (Marilyn Manson short story) ✔

Chapter 12

Warning! This chapter contains self harming.

I have nowhere to go.
My father lives in Texas and i have no money for tickets.
Everyone stared at me in such a way i hate. I bet i have my make-up smeared all over my disgusting face from all the crying.
What do i do now?

I go to the field where i and Brian were so happy.
That was just the moment when everything felt so right.

The sun is setting down.
I start thinking about it all. So many people have hurt me.
It's so sad...i still love Brian. And that's the worst thing i could do.
I start crying again, and again, and again.
I lie under the trees, the branches are bare and covered with birds who have landed there. They keep perfectly still, shawling the tree in feathers. I am shaking. The wind is blowing hard, but the branches with their blackbirds don't move at all.
Then i fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~

Sharp sun wakes me up.
I look around me, hoping it was just a bad dream.
No, it wasn't.
I lean myself against the nearest tree, trying to stand up.
I feel so much strength and anger in myself, i stand up on the first try.
This is the first time i'm doing it without Marilyn's strong arms.

I do first step, second, third, fourth...but then i stumble and fall back to the ground.
Then i feel a sharp pain in my leg.
Wait...what? I can feel??
I look at my leg...there's a piece of glass in it.
And it's quite stuck. Streams of blood start falling down my leg, to the ground. I just start laughing loudly, but it is a laugh mixed with tears.

I put the glass out and grasp it tightly in my palms. There's so much blood.
After a while, when it starts to really hurt, i put it down.
I look at my bracelet i got from Marilyn. Angel's wings.
But now i feel more like an Angel with the scabbed wings.
I smile again and remove the bracelet.
I grasp it in my palms tightly.
Grabbing the piece of glass, i finally stop crying.
I put the piece of glass to my wrists...and i just do it...i just cut my veins. At that moment everything i think about is Brian.
I think about how i love him, until i start feeling so weak...until i see so blury...until i see completely black.

We're blinded by blackness
We're just empty shells
In the deafening void of our last sunset