Rain | Harry Styles

1.7

"We need to talk eventually, Ana," he breathed, "I was going to come to yours today anyway."

"There's no point, Harry," I bit my lip, "you said everything that needed to be said."

"Ana," he sighed, reaching for my hand, "you know me well enough to know I didn't mean a word of that.."

I drew my hand back quickly, "Don't," I warned, and he raised his hands, shooting me a look.

"Hear me out?" he pleaded, "please."

"No," I frowned, pushing the covers off myself, "Where are my clothes?"

"The dryer, where I put them earlier - they're not done yet," Harry sighed, "please sit down."

"Why should I?" I folded my arms, causing his shirt to rise on my body, revealing much more of my upper thigh. I didn't notice until I caught his eyes on me, quickly tugging the shirt back down.

"You're stubborn, Ana Grace," he squinted, shaking his head, "sit down."

"I'm not stubborn," I protested, "give me my clothes."

"You are," he said calmly; monotonously, "sit." 

I rolled my eyes, taking a seat, "Right. Talk."

H.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don't fuck this up, now, Harry - she's agreed to hear you out. Don't. Fuck. It. Up.

Just tell her how you feel - what you're thinking; how sorry you are, and fucking pray she takes you back. Man up, Harry - come on.

"Listen.." No, too cliché - what the fuck, man? Sort yourself out.

"I just wanted to, um.." That's even worse, mate.

"Ana, I'm-" Shut up.

"God," I laughed shakily, starting again for the fourth time, "I don't know how to, um- fucking hell," I grunted,  Ana looking at me puzzled. "Do you mind if I grab a cig?" I blurted suddenly, and she nodded without hesitation. She knew the nicotine would instantly settle any anxiety I possessed, and she didn't protest when I grabbed one from the nightstand and lit it - that was one thing I adored about her.

I blew the smoke between my lips, the knot I felt between my shoulder blades instantly loosening, my chest instantly lowering. I cleared my throat, relaxation overtaking me as my eyes fluttered shut for a moment before I spoke again, "'m sorry."

"Don't be," she soothed, and I nodded. Bloody hell, she was so stunning. My shirt far too big for her, hanging off one of her shoulders - her hair wrecked, and her eyes tired - I hated that. I hated the exhaustion her gaze held, but she still managed to look so incredible.

"I want this to be something, Ana," I admitted, twiddling the cig between my fingers.

Her eyes closed for a moment, "This isn't anything," she said quietly, and I shook my head.

"We both know that's not true," my eyes met hers and I exhaled deeply, "this can be whatever the fuck we want it to be. All I know is that I just want you. I need you," I couldn't help but add, and she frowned.

"You had sex with her, didn't you?" she asked gently, and I sighed.

"Ana.."

"Didn't you?"

I nodded slowly, confirming her suspicion, a knot tying in my stomach as I watched her wince a little. I knew she was picturing it - I didn't want that. I took another drag of my cigarette - fuck, give me a little courage.

"I'm so, so fucking sorry, Ana," and for the first time in my life - I said it and meant it, "God, I'm so sorry," I repeated as a single tear rolled down her soft cheek, landing in her lap. She was crying - what are you supposed to do when a girl cries-? Shit.

"I hate myself for doing that to you, yeah? I've regretted it ever since, I swear to you-"

"Is that supposed to make it better?" she asked suddenly, and I bit my lip. 

"I can't change what I did to you," I said quietly, "as much as I'd like to. I should never have said those things to you - none of them were true. Not one thing."

"You said you hated me," she whispered, "I can't have you hate me, Harry."

"No, no, no," I murmured, taking her chin gently in my hand, "I could never, ever hate you, Ana. No matter how fucking screwed up I am; no matter how drunk I get - I could never tell you I hate you and mean it."

"No," she drew back from my touch, "you don't get to do that and make everything okay."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, as my eyes began to sting - what? Why were they stinging? I blinked - something in them?

"Why did you get so drunk?" she asked me, and I bit my lip. Had this been any other time; any other person, I'd have told them to fuck off and left them with no explanation. But this was Ana.

"Well, I-" I was cut off by the door swinging open, connecting with the wall with a sudden bang, causing the both of us to jump - and it wasn't likely to be doing Ana's hangover any favours.

"Liam, stop being a cunt," I gritted my teeth, running a hand through my hair as Ana watched him confusedly.

"Who's..?" she trailed off, and Liam plonked himself directly between us on the bed, a wide grin on his face.

"I'm Liam," he offered her his hand, which she took, "we met last night, but you were a bit out of it."

Ana's cheeks flushed a deep pink, the embarrassment of the night before still fresh in her mind, "Oh, God," she winced, "I'm sorry about that. I'm Ana - and I'm usually sober, I swear."

"Eh, it's alright - I'm used to it with this one," Liam quipped, nodding towards me, to which I responded with a slap to the back of his head.

"Get out, Liam," I huffed, as he screeched, rubbing his head dramatically.

"Holy shit, Styles!" he whined, "my head - oh my god, my head - I think it's broken." I rolled my eyes, while Ana chuckled.

"I'm not sure that's how it works," she laughed uneasily, shaking her head, "but it's fine, you can stay - I'm gonna head home anyway, I think."

My face fell, "But we were talking.." 

"We can talk another time," she said, but she didn't sound like she meant it, as she stood up from the bed, only covered by my shirt skimming her thighs. I caught Liam staring, and if he wasn't gay, he would've got another slap.

"Oh, but I thought-"

"My clothes are in the dryer, yeah?" she ignored me, and I nodded as she left the room without another word.

I groaned, flopping back onto the bed, "Thanks for that, mate," I scoffed, and Liam gasped.

"It's not my fault you didn't say shit!" he protested, and I whacked him in the chest, causing him to shriek again, "she doesn't want to talk to you, Haz - accept it."

"Harry," I said bitterly, sitting up, "if she needs a ride, I'm taking your car."

"Whatever, mate," he sighed, weakly rubbing the spot where I'd hit him as I stood up in search of Ana.

"Ana?" I called out, "if you need a ride, I'm-" I was cut off by the front door slamming shut, and I huffed, frustratedly slamming my palm against the wall.

And just like that, again - I'd let her go.

-

this is short

I'm putting off Physics revision to write this wow look at me xoxo