I Don't Do Sadness // Jyrus

mournful

Cyrus and Buffy went about their day without Andi completely. It was going right back to Cyrus' depression, but this time, Buffy didn't have anyone there with her. She was just watching Cyrus slowly spiral. He wouldn't talk to her, he had on a sweater, his hair wasn't done, his shoes were dirty, and he sat at lunch just staring at the table. 

She wanted to talk to someone about him, and she found herself drifting over to Jonah when they saw him in the hallway. At first, she wanted to talk to him about Cyrus, but then her blood started to boil and she started to walk faster towards him.

Cyrus grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. "Don't even think about it," he said to her. 

Buffy sighed and pulled her wrist away. "I'm thinking about it. And I'm going to do it."

She walked back over to him, and Cyrus started to follow and stop her, but he got scared of talking to Jonah in this state, so he stopped before going outside. Jonah looked over at Buffy and smiled. "Hey, Buffy," he said, shoving his phone into his pocket.

He didn't notice the anger emanating off of her, but once she stopped in front of him with a stone cold face, he started to look confused. "What?" He asked her.

"Cyrus and I saw you and Andi kiss on Saturday," Buffy said, getting straight to the point.

Jonah's eyes squinted and said, "Oh."

"Well, Cyrus is really upset about it."

"Why?"

"Well you wrote a love song for him."

Jonah took a step back and said, "What?"

"You wrote a love song for him."

Jonah's mind was racing. "No I didn't."

"Yes you did. You said, 'hold me close' and 'you are beautiful' and 'you're mine'."

Jonah had to calm his breathing, he felt like he was tipping over edge into a panic attack. He had written the song and was just thinking of Cyrus while he did it. That didn't mean he thought those things about Cyrus. "Yeah, but-"

His mind stopped. He had said those things about Cyrus. He knew that that was what he was doing in his song. He had even scrapped other lyrics that were more intense, like "I love you." But, of course he loved Cyrus. But this whole time he thought that it was just as a friend. That's why he was so nervous about Cyrus falling off of his skateboard, because he cared about him.

But he had also said that Cyrus was beautiful. He did think that he was attractive, but that didn't mean that he was attracted to him. And he said "hold me close." But he didn't think that it meant that he wanted him to do that. That's just what you say to someone you like-

"Jonah," Buffy said.

Jonah didn't hear his thoughts anymore. He could hear his heart beating in his ear and he felt sweat building up under his clothes. He stared at a fixed spot on the ground and listened to Buffy's words. "Are you okay?"

Still staring at the ground, he rigorously shook his head and heard his heavy breathing in his ears. Buffy turned his head down to catch his eyes, which were almost glazed over in tears. "Jonah," she said again, trying to sound more assertive to get him to focus on her. 

He slowly brought his head up and looked at her. 

The disappointment he felt after her kissed Andi was because he didn't like her anymore. And because he wished it was someone else. He wished it was Cyrus and when they broke away, he didn't see Cyrus. And then he didn't see Cyrus all night and he was disappointed that he didn't see him. That he thought that Cyrus didn't care.

"Buffy," He chocked out with his shortness of breath. His chest was rising and falling faster and he felt weak at the knees.

Buffy sensed the collapsing that it could lead to, and grabbed his shaking hands that had been brought up in front of his chest without him realizing. She could feel his entire body shaking through his hands, and she turned him around to the direction of the doors and wrapped her arm around him, leading him outside. She brought him over to a table and sat across from him.

Once he gathered the change of location, he looked back up to her and said to her, "I think I like Cyrus."

Buffy smiled and nodded her head. She grabbed onto Jonah's hands until his breathing calmed down, feeling his pulse on his wrist. Once he calmed down, Buffy wiped it away. She let go of his hands and said, "Do you want to go to The Spoon?" As if nothing happened.

He looked up at her with his terrified eyes and nodded. Buffy helped him up, his knees still trembling. It was weird for Buffy to see him at this point. She's sat beside Cyrus during his panic attacks, but that was Cyrus. Jonah was the cool popular kid and here he was crying in front of her.