A One-Off?

5 - Not Talking

They failed to talk about it this time. Dec had cried himself to sleep and Ant had been so exhausted nevertheless that he had fallen asleep immediately after all this hard thinking.

Of course, there was tension in the morning between the two men and Ant tried his best to act normal, but he couldn't help but notice that Dec seemed distant and quiet.

"Normal day of work today?" Ant asked when they had breakfast and Dec nodded.

"Yeah, minimum day actually" Dec mumbled and sighed.

"Okay, I won't be home till 6pm" Ant sighed and got up to get ready.

Dec felt bad and guilty, but he didn't have the courage to mention the events of the night again. It very rarely happened that he and Ant didn't talk about things. Especially Dec had to talk about everything, he couldn't keep things in normally, that was more Ant's demeanour.

But now Dec didn't feel like talking. He knew he had disappointed Ant, again. He knew his boyfriend was annoyed and in fact, Dec was very annoyed with himself. Why couldn't he just feel something when his boyfriend touched him? Why could Ant get hard just like that and he felt absolutely nothing? Why didn't he feel any kind of desire anymore?

Ant went for a quick shower and thought about what had happened again. He knew it wasn't a big deal and he knew it could happen, but it had been the third time in a row and he was still sad that Dec had rejected him, he had never done that before.

At the same time, he loved Declan to bits and he was scared of losing him. Dec had been so different, so rejecting towards him. Normally, his boyfriend was one to talk to him about everything that was going on in his mind, Dec couldn't even help it, it was just his nature.

So to react like that was odd for Dec and Ant worried about whether Dec didn't trust him anymore, whether he didn't love him anymore as he used to. Why else would his arousal not come back? Why else didn't he want to sleep with him? Maybe he had fallen in love with someone else?

'Don't be stupid, Dec loves you' Ant thought immediately and got out of the shower. It had always been like that and after all, Dec had told him that he didn't know what was wrong with him and that he loved him. So Ant had to trust him. But it was hard for him, the thoughts were running through his mind and he somehow couldn't make them stop.

But Ant was a man of action and so he promised to do everything to make this relationship work and to be there for his boyfriend. He pushed his stupid thoughts aside and promised to himself to make an effort and to show Dec that he loved him, that he was his everything. Despite his doubts, despite everything that had happened. Because Ant loved his Dec with all his heart.

And so he felt a bit guilty when he thought about how Dec had cried himself to sleep, all alone. So when he went downstairs and saw Dec standing in the kitchen, making himself some sandwiches for work, he approached him and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Dec was totally taken off guard by Ant's actions and he was convinced that he only did it to silence his bad conscience. Sure Ant must be annoyed with him, but Dec also knew that Ant didn't want to show it to him. So he sighed loudly and let his head fall back for a few seconds, enjoying the tender touch before standing up straight again and smiling sadly.

"I have to finish this" he said and he knew it had sounded quite harsh but he just couldn't stand this pitiful behaviour of his boyfriend.

Ant sighed sadly and got ready for work. He knew Dec was hurt and he knew he shouldn't be annoyed by his behaviour but he was nevertheless, so he grabbed his coat and his bag and went to the door.