UNIVERSE / BTS.

54: if we hit on troubled water / namgi

he barely registers namjoon asking him to dinner at his place, but he nods absentmindedly in agreement; he can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. with his hand holding namjoon's tightly, they cross the bridge from their fantasy world into their reality, where yoongi's not so sure he likes girls and namjoon's not entirely sure whether he's straight or not, where yoongi's parents are assholes and namjoon's mum is the nicest person yoongi's ever met, back where yoongi's bullied for being scruffy and namjoon stopped wearing glasses because they've been broken by bullies three times. back to reality, where nothing except their friendship seems perfect.

x

fourteen years old and there's a razorblade in namjoon's hand. not his. stained in blood; also not his. fourteen years old and yoongi sits on the floor of his bathroom, sobbing, blood on his wrist and guilt in his eyes. he can't stop apologising, and his eyes follow the razor as namjoon drops it into the toilet, flushing it.

"never again, hyung," he says firmly, kneeling down and taking yoongi's hand, pressing a kiss to the scars yoongi's hidden for so long. "never. again. yes?"

yoongi nods. he's battered; his left eye is bruised, his lip is split, and namjoon knows there's bruises on his back and ribs, flourishing in shades of purple and blue. the eye and lip are from his dad. ribs and back are school bullies. both for the same reason, the same pathetic reason, and namjoon wants to hurt them as bad as they've hurt his yoongi. fourteen years old, and he's never had this strong a bond with anyone.

"i love you, namjoon," yoongi sobs out, holding namjoon's hand tight. he's so broken, but namjoon can fix him, fix him and keep him smiling and happy because that's what best friends do and that's what yoongi needs right now. namjoon smiles weakly through the pain of seeing his best friend like this, holding yoongi's hand tight.

"i-i love you too, hyung."

they're in yoongi's house. his parents and sisters are all out, and the two are skipping school, and yoongi just wants to lie with namjoon and talk to him because he has some shit he needs to get out. the attic is where yoongi sleeps; he and namjoon collapse onto the bed after the younger bandages up his wrists, the wounds stinging like hell, but yoongi feels like he deserves it.

the newly dyed blonde's hair falls into his eyes as he turns to face namjoon, their faces inches apart, eyes meeting. namjoon takes his hand; warm, inviting. yoongi sighs, tangling their legs in such a way that their bodies feel intertwined. "joon, i... i need to talk to you," he mumbles out, and namjoon nods, understanding his hyung wants him to be quiet so he can speak. yoongi takes a shuddered breath.

"i-i'm gay, namjoonie. a-and that's why my dad hits me. he t-threatened to k-kill me." yoongi doesn't cry, but he wants to. namjoon just pulls him quietly closer, so they can breath each other, knowing that their childhood sense of innocence and being young forever is gone, replaced instead by bitter reality that is like a slap to the face. but they're both prepared for that harsh reality, there to comfort each other when they know for certain life isn't all rainbows and happiness and playing for hours. namjoon looks at yoongi with nothing less than pure adoration in his eyes, before speaking.

"i-i'm gay too, yoon," he breathes out. yoongi's eyes widen, bright and excited, and an exhausted laugh leaves namjoon's lips. "to think, i was so worried about coming out to you."

"you had no reason to be worried, joon, i'd accept you no matter what," yoongi says, and the truth in his voice is all namjoon needs. "so..." yoongi's teasing now, as if namjoon hadn't had to bandage up his wrists. he has his ups and downs, every teenager does, but, like every teenager, he bounces back almost instantly. "you got your eye on anyone, joonie?"