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I didn't remember what happened last night exactly.

I remembered Jimin splashing cold water on my face to keep me awake so I could experience the pain they were inflicting at full force. I remembered the tearing burn of Jin pulling my hair to drag me around, ignoring my cries and screams of protests. I remembered Namjoon punching me in my soft gut, maybe cracking a rib. I remembered Hoseok kicking my hard shins, allowing new bruises to bloom on me. I remembered Yoongi laughing sickeningly at me the entire time, then slapping me hard on my cheek as one of the other members held me up.

I remembered pain.

I woke up on the hard surface of my floor, unable to move. My body, which had begun healing, had gone back to the weak state it was once in.

I tried to move my fingers only to pathetically lift my index finger up before that even became too difficult. My chest hurt from the shallow breathing I was forced to do. They had hit my chest a lot to knock the air out of my aching lungs that were also in pain.

I desperately wanted to know the time but any form of a clock was too out of reach. There was a pink glow seeping through the shut blinds of my window so I assumed it was very early in the day. I slept through the entire day, wow.

I attempted to roll over to my side only to be met with excruciating pain. It felt like my waist was being ripped apart while tiny needles pierced my skin.

I bit my bruised lip hard to not cry out, a sad whimper leaving my mouth instead.

I didn't try to move after that.

My head was clouded with thoughts of anger. Anger towards my members who treated me like flith, anger towards the company who wouldn't let me leave but mostly anger at myself for letting things get this bad.

My hurting body was fighting off tiredness that I refused to give into. What if they woke up and came in again?

Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to last long, my head feeling heavy, wanting nothing more then to rest.

I allowed myself to close my eyelids that felt so weighed down. It was pathetic. My banged up body covered in wound after wound. I was sprawled on the stiff ground pitifully, not even able to move a limb. The bed was mocking me as I laid against the cold, hard floor. Even the water that sat on my dresser seemed to somehow smirk at me, laughing silently at my dry throat that felt like razor blades were slashing the inside of my clamped throat every time I gulped or took in a breath of much needed air.

How pathetic.

So I let myself succumb to happy darkness. I wanted to ignore how undeniably helpless I looked. I wanted to ignore the ugly sadness that was trying to over take my the rage that was biting behind my eyes.

I wouldn't let myself be sad over them, I wanted to be angry. I wanted that burning fuel to flood my veins as I ruined their lives, I wanted that cloudy feeling of hatred to fill my head whenever I looked at them.

I didn't want tears to pool in the corner of my eyes when I saw them happy without me. I didn't want that feeling of being worthless to be the only thing on my mind. I didn't want to go back to how I was, when I was weaker, when I was more naïve, when I cared for them. Not when I've gotten this far.

So fuck them.

~

I refuse to let Tae back down in this book lol. He is going to be an unforgiving bitch that doesn't care about apologies. Lmaoooo we're in for a ride.

I'm back from camp now yay! Regular updates are back. Also self promo, I have a new book called Sparks & Flames. It's vkook and in a letter kind of format. Going to be sad lmao.

Thank you for reading! <3

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