Child (Ish) Dreams

Chapter Eleven

Sam could not stand Sapphire so Sam slept on their bed while Sapphire took the sofa. Sam was considerate enough to leave orange juice, painkillers, a bucket and a change of clothes by the sofa. But that was all. Sapphire woke up the next morning and cried, feeling sorry for herself and for what had happened. Meanwhile, Sam stayed in bed, not sure of how to react or what to do. She was hungry but she ignored those urges. She couldn't ignore the pressing need on her bladder so she was thankful for the ensuite bathroom which allowed her to relieve those urges without being seen. She got back into bed but it took only an hour to decide. She loved Sapphire. She truly did. This was awful but she did love Sapphire.

Sam changed and freshened up in the bathroom before going to the living room. Sapphire was dressed in the jogging bottoms and t-shirt that Sam had left her. She was not eating, just holding onto the glass of orange juice. The pills were gone and the bucket was empty which was a relief. The dress was gone too, Sam never wanted to see it ever again.

Sam collapsed onto the floor opposite Sapphire. She crossed her legs before looking up at Sapphire who was already watching her.

"I love you, Sapphire. I really do. But I don't know if I can do this." Sapphire's face fell.

"Sammie... I'm so sorry... It won't ever happen again... I was upset and angry that the IVF didn't work after everything we've tried. We did so well and for what?"

"It didn't mean you had to hurt me. Hurt us. I... I love you. I waited for you and that's what hurts. While I was worrying for you to come back to me and hoping you weren't... dead or hurting yourself, you were fucking some guy."

"It wasn't like that..."

"But it was for me. I don't think we can recover from this, Saff..." The pair looked at each other. Sammie was pale but set. Sapphire had tears running down her face again. There was going to be no budging.

"I think this took a chunk out of both of us and I love you but I can't even think of us being together. We need to recover from what happened and I think a break might be what's best for us. Otherwise, we'll hurt each other more. That wouldn't be fair. It's time to give a break."

"Sammie, please..." Sapphire sunk on the floor in front of Sam and placed her hands on either side of her face. Sam stared straight back. Her eyes were glistening but she showed no change.

"I will always love you, Sapphire. But this is it for now." Sam stood up and left. Sapphire waited one minute, her heart was aching and her stomach was hurting and she couldn't stop the tears. She got up, trembling worse than ever before and followed Sam into the bedroom. She was already in action, a giant suitcase on the bed and throwing clothes into it with no organisation. Sapphire begged, pleaded, promised, sobbed but nothing stopped Sam. Not even when once Sam had packed and started to drag her suitcase to the front door, when Sapphire grabbed her hand and begged. Sam dropped her key on the floor by the front door, grabbed the suitcase and left. As Sam shut the door to the flats, Sapphire saw the tears falling down Sam's face. Sapphire didn't notice as she crawled into their flat, shut the door, lay on the floor and sobbed.

***********

The days passed but Sapphire could not seem to get up off the floor. When she did, it was not for a good cause. She went out and started drinking, not eating, smoking again. She was taking a guy to her flat every night to fill a tearing hole in her heart, filling it with drink, cigarettes and sex but nothing worked. She told every guy that her flatmate was in their bedroom so could not go in there. Most guys didn't care. Every morning, Sapphire woke up with cuts, bruises, messed up clothing, sick on the floor, a used condom, sometimes a guy still naked on the floor or sofa. She was a mess. She knew it. She didn't care. She wanted Sammie and any memory of Sammie to be erased in any way possible. She wanted her, missed her. She turned off her mobile, pulled out the landline and ignored any contact with anyone but the bartender and the guys who showed her any attention. It didn't bother her she was just a girl that looked good, a girl to have a one-off good time. She didn't care, she just wanted to forget and the booze helped.