He couldn't sleep. No. He wouldn't sleep. He may be exhausted but the nightmares were worse. The nightmares drained him of all the comfort he used to have. It was like he just arrived in Camelot again and was seeing a sorcerer beheaded. He was terrified. He has always been scared but this was a new level of scared. He couldn't even look Arthur in the eyes for more than a millisecond. He could barely suppress the flinches whenever any of the Knights or Arthur raised there voices whether in excitement or just over boisterous displays. And today Arthur had noticed. Merlin had seen Arthur's expression as he had left the room for the night. Arthur had looked concerned but that most likely translated to Arthur somehow finding out about Merlin's magic and considering the best type of wood for the pyre. Yet there was no way Arthur could have found out. So hopefully that was just another one of his overworking mind's shots in the dark.
He didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to see his friend burning him alive and banishing him while his mind was supposed to be quiet. He was tired. He was tired of being scared and he couldn't change that. He was tired because of his lack of sleep due to the dreams. But he was even more tired and scared after the dreams and any encounters with Arthur.
So instead of going to sleep, he snuck out of the castle . He was a master at it by now and got out easily. He went into the woods and once he was a little bit away from the road, he sat down against a tree. He pulled his knees to his chest and let his head fall on top of his knees.
After maybe half an hour he decided to just sit with his legs crossed on top of each other and practice a small bit of magic. He made the grass grow a few inches around him and soon after a while of messing around he got tired. So in a daze he made his way stealthily back into the Castle and up to the physicians chambers. He then snuck back into his room and laid on his bed. He then tried his best to not fall asleep. But despite himself, he drifted off.
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Merlin: The Depth of Secrets
FanfictionArthur notices Merlin acting strange and later that week on a hunting trip everything changes. And after that more unfolds.
