Ambivalence (One Shots)

First Time: Dean & Alex

"I know." Was all I said. It seemed to be enough because Alex smiled. Our mouths met again, Alex's tongue coming out to trace my bottom lip before sucking it between his teeth. I moaned into his mouth my hands gripping his biceps. He pushed back on his knees and leaned over to the nightstand and the butterflies in my stomach were back full force. I knew what he was grabbing and as thankful as I was for it, it was also quite terrifying.

He settled back on top of me, lube in hand and set it on top of my chest. The bottle was cold and I flinched a bit which only made Alex laugh. "Do you trust me, D?"

I didn't even hesitate. "With my life."

Alex popped the cap of the lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers. This was it. No turning back now. Hell, I didn't want to. I wanted this too bad to say no. I spread my legs further without instruction and Alex nodded his head in approval. He grabbed a pillow from the side of my head with his clean hand and propped it under my hips. I had never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. My body completely bare for him to see. Legs spread wide, fingers clenching the sheets. I couldn't even imagine what I looked like just then but Alex's smile said it all.

The first touch of his fingers at my hole had me tensing but Alex didn't rush it. He lightly traced the puckered hole with his fingertip asking for permission. Coaxing it to open for him. It felt weird, like an uninvited intruder. But the sensation was new, I knew it would take a bit of getting used to. I begged my body to relax telling myself over and over that it was Alex and it was going to be amazing because of that fact alone.

Once he finally breached me I let out a soft moan. Not exactly enjoying the feeling but knowing it was actually happening, and who it was happening with made it that much more intense. He slid his finger in to the second knuncle and stopped letting me adjust to the foreign feeling. I looked down and blushed when I realized he was already watching me. His eyes having turned a darker brown, his pupils wide and a wicked smile on his handsome face. Again I was regretting not having my phone close to capture this moment. That look of pure bliss on his face.

Once I started to get used to something being inside of me I nodded down to Alex and he started to slowly thrust the digit in and out. My breath caught and I reached out for him. My hand landing on his shoulder. He carried out his agonizingly slow movements for what felt like decades which was more around 60 seconds before finally adding a second finger. I could feel myself being stretched and it burned but I loved it. Alex continued to prepare me and I was a moaning mess. It felt wonderful, amazing, like I was on a high I never wanted to come back down from. Soon two turned into three and I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Alex, now! Please, now!" My voice didn't sound like my own but I didn't care. All that mattered was Alex. He withdrew his fingers and kissed my stomach before retrieving the bottle of lube once again. This time it transferred from his hand to his long hard glistening shaft. I swallowed as I looked at the length and girth of my lover. Never truly realizing just how well endowed he truly was. I closed my eyes, willing my body to relax.

"Dean, look at me." My eyes sprang open and Alex was smiling down at me. "It was made for you, darling boy. Don't forget that." And I never forgot it again.

Once his cock was generously lubed he settled back down between my legs and reached out for both my hands dragging them above my head and pinning them to the mattress. I was visibly shaking. From nerves? Excitement? I wasn't sure. All I knew for certain was Alex's member was now demanding entrance to my hole. I tried to relax and looked up to meet his eyes. My body instantly calmed as if he had command over it with a single look. Which he did. It was his. All of me. And I reveled in it.

Once the head was past the first ring of muscle, I threw my head back and groaned. It was better than I expected. Uncomfortable but it didn't matter. Alex was inside of me and I wanted to shout it to the damn world. So I did just that. Letting out a scream as Alex filled me completely to the hilt. It was exhilarating. My body was on fire. I could feel myself metling away with the pleasure and pain of it all. I wasn't sure where my body ended and his began but it didn't matter. Alex stole my virtue. My virginity. And he held it captive never to be returned again. I was his completely from now until the day I died. No one would ever make me feel the way he could. It wasn't possible. He was it for me and I wasn't afraid of it any longer. I could feel the tears gathering threatening to fall and I let them. It felt too powerful, too intimate to not share everything with him now.

Alex let my hands go and his arms came around my neck holding me closer to him. His lips on my cheek kissing away the tears and finally, finally he started to move. My nails dug into his back as he withdrew from my body almost completely. I wanted to protest, to beg for him to come back but before I could he was once again filling me, stretching me wider than I ever thought imaginable. The pleasure was soon starting to outweigh the pain and he thrust his hips at a just the right angle making me scream louder than before. I never wanted it to end. It couldn't ever end.

Soon his thrusts became harder, rougher, my moans louder, harsher in the otherwise quiet room. I rose up to meet each thrust, my body slowly starting to ache but it didn't matter. I was so close. I could feel it in my stomach slowly traveling down my spine to my toes. God, he never even touched me and I was going to come. Probably harder than I ever have before.

I tried to warn him, but no words came out. Only my moans, my screams of pure ecstasy. His thrusts were becoming more and more eratic. Off rhythm. I knew he was just as close as I was but I also knew he wouldn't find his release until I found my own. So I finally let it go.

Alex's name leaving my lips as my come shot out painting both our chests. It was never ending, my body stiff and my nails digging into Alex's back. I almost passed out from the immense pleasure of it all but I couldn't not until Alex found his own release. I needed to see it. To see his face when he finally empties himself inside of me.

One. Two. Three more thrusts until Alex's body stilled and I could feel it. My hole being filled with his seed. His loud moan echoing around the room. His face. God that beautiful face masked in intense pleasure. I could die a happy man now. Alex tried to pull out but I stopped him. Not yet. I needed him to stay still just for a minute. Just until my body came back down from this. It was so much all at once. Every feeling. Every beat of my heart. The tears came again but this time I hid my face in his chest. He understood though, he always did.

"I love you." Whispered so softly yet they felt like they were being shouted at me. He loved me and I knew he did. And I loved him.

"Forever." I promised.