Growing Pains

Hiding

     I live every day wanting to die. My mind is an endless abyss. There is no spark. The thoughts in my head run around and around as I stop, wait a minute, and beg for sound. The screams in my head play all through the night, never failing to drag me away from the light.
      No matter how loud I scream, no matter how much I cry, no one will be there to save me from my suicide. I'm dying. I want to leave. I want to abandon all these painful memories. 'Just look towards the light,' they say as I cry out with pain. Oh, how I wish for those brighter days.
     I wait for my hero, my knight in shining armor, only to die alone-sinking even further. They tell me to just give up. They tell me not to cry. How many times does it take for this lie to die? How can I find that light? How can I leave but still have sight of my future? What will they do? What will they say? Will they mourn for me, or live like any other day?
     I'm dying. I'm losing this battle of mine. My eyes are dry because there are no tears left for when I cry. My world is tumbling down. My life is a mess. How can I stop? How can I get past this test? I'm slowly falling, I'm sinking to the bottom. I'm drowning. I'm screaming. But there's still no other way. I want to leave, but how can I leave them? I lost the fight, but I know I still can. I want to live a normal life. But how can this be normal...if I don't even try.
      I want to rise above the ashes, I want to fight away the dark. I want to find that spark and share it with everyone else. Black, pink, white, red. I want them all to never feel pain again. I want them to be happy, so I sink even further. I listen to their words, so I cut with silver. I'm running. I'm hiding.
      I'm fighting my past. I'm laughing. I'm crying. How long will I last? Who will save me? Who loves me? Am I alone, or is He with me?