Chapter 19: Too Heavy

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It was my second day off in a row, which felt weird because I normally work every other day. I was sitting in Teeny Tiny, at the very back sipping on a coffee. It was late but, part of me wished Felix would walk through the door, but I knew he wouldn't run the risk of seeing me. At least not after our fight yesterday.

I wouldn't necessarily say it was much of a fight though, more like a disagreement. But, no matter how I try to look at it...he is right. I don't know why I become so hostile when someone actually cares to know what's wrong and why I'm upset. It's like a red light goes of in my brain and everything is screaming "Abort, Abort!!" Maybe I'm afraid of people knowing I can be vulnerable, maybe I hate looking weak.

The sound of a chair being pulled out interrupted me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a boy with red tinted hair sit down in front of me. He looked familiar but I don't remember where I've seen him.

"Changbin right?" He asked. He had a sweet sounding voice.

"Yes, do I know you?"

Right after the words left my mouth I regretted it. Not only did I sound like an ass to my self but judging by his answer, I really am one.

"You don't recognize me?" He asked.

"Well...um-I recognize you but I don't remember from where," I chuckled awkwardly, tapping the side of my coffee cup.

"I'm Seungmin, Felix's friend?" He said, though it sounded more like a question.

That's when it clicked, he was with Hyunjin the time I first saw Felix. I don't remember seeing him at the get together though.

"Oh!" I laughed stupidly, "sorry I probably seem like a total ass."

"Yeah you do, but that's what I expected," he shrugged.

My eyes widened at his blunt response. I didn't think such a sweet sounding and looking guy, could be so cold.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Well Felix was really upset yesterday and I'm the only one he talks to about that stuff so yeah," he smiled.

"Oh..." I trailed off.

I didn't think my words would effect Felix too much. I mean he should be used to them by now right?

"Don't underestimate Felix's feelings okay? He is a total softie, and he gets hurt real easy. I don't want to butt in what ever relationship you two have going on but...I don't like seeing my friends sad," he said and went to get up to leave. Before he could leave, I was curious why I didn't see him at Minho's house, so I stopped him.

"Wait, why didn't you come to that get together. The one Felix invited me to?" I asked.

He stopped when he was mid standing and said, "personal reasons. Now just, fix Felix okay?"

With that Seungmin left the shop, and I was left to my thoughts again.

---

After that incident with Seungmin, I didn't stay in the coffee shop for long, especially since Chan was closing up soon. I ended up going home to an empty house. Which isn't surprising seeing my mother works a lot of the time. I told her to stop working night shifts like this but why would she listen to her son, right?

Changbin,

There are left overs from last nights super in the fridge.

P.S
Please finish up the dishes for me,

Love Mom

I pulled the note from my Mother off the fridge with a sigh, throwing it into the trash bin. I opened the fridge and saw the left over pizza from last nights supper. Grabbing a slice I trudged back into the living room and plopped down on to the couch.

I sat in silence for a few moments before grabbing out my phone. There was two messages from Chan and a message from Jisung.

Bang Chan
Changbin! The guys and
I were wondering if you
wanted to hang again
sometime!

Read 12:41 am

Weird coming from your
boss, am I right? 😂

Read 12:41 am

Changbin✌🏻
No thanks, not in the
best mood right no|

I stoped typing when Felix's words popped in my head.

Changbin✌🏻
No thanks, not in the|

No thank|

N|

Yeah, sounds fun.

Sent 12:43 am

I exited out of that conversation and looked at Jisung's contact. I debated heavily on wether or not I should open it, but regardless the voice saying not to...I still did.

Jisung💞
I know you don't want
to hear from me but
Seungmin hasn't been
answering any of our
texts or calls, have you
heard from him at all?

Read 12:45 am

I was shocked that he would ask me that considering I wasn't close with Seungmin at all. Also I'm not entirely sure what makes him think I'd know where he has been.

Binnie😁
I saw him recently today.
At Teeny Tiny.

Jisung💞
Did he say anything to you? About where he has been staying?

Binnie😁
Why would he tell me that?
We aren't exactly close.

Jisung💞
Okay, thanks anyway Binnie.

Once I read that text, something inside of me clicked. A wave of anger rushed threw me.

Binnie😁
Are you just going to keep
pretending like nothing
happened?

Jisung💞
What do you mean?

Binnie😁
Are you actually serious right
now?

Jisung💞
I don't know what you mean
Binnie.

Binnie😁
Whatever.

Jisung💞
Changbin, you can't expect
me to know what is bothering
you if you won't tell me yourself.

Read 12:59 am

You always do this...you get
distant and angry at me
when I don't know what I did
to deserve it, and then you
won't even tell me why.

Read 1:01 pm

I groaned and threw my phone to the ground. Why is this always so hard? Are they right about me? Am I being selfish? In denial?

All my thoughts sit on my shoulders and it's so heavy, too heavy. It feels like I'm drowning. Maybe friends are something I can't have...

Maybe love is something I can't experience.

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