Let Me Be Lukas

Part Nine

"The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see"

~Winston Churchill

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I took in a deep breath as I fidgited on the living room couch, sitting across from Archer and Ellison, willing words to come from my dry mouth.
It had been a few weeks with them, and I had decided they finally deserved the whole story. They had gathered that I was transgender already, but neither had pushed me on the subject of my parents, Lucy's parents. They had talked to me already and said they only wanted to hear it when I was comfortable telling them, because who wants to tell their life story to a complete stranger.
However, over the past two weeks I had learned a lot about the men who took me in. I learned that Ellison sticks his tongue out when he's concentrating, that Archer loves the salty ocean air, and how they both could never stay mad at each other very long.
Now, as I sat terrified of what they may think of me after I spew the words behind my mouth out loud, I try to focus on their expressions.
Ellison's chiseled features are etched with sympathy, where Archer's are laden with concern.
I take another breath and begin
"I was born in a female body, I came into the world and everyone assumed that because of my body, I was Lucy. Even my family who showered me with pink and lace from the moment I arrived. I was forced to play a part in the play of life because my anatomy betrayed me.
My mother put me in dance and forbid me from wearing pants. My room was pink and everything I owned as feminine as could be. Even though the masculinity within me screamed against it.
One day as I scrolled through tumblr, I discovered the term 'transgender' and everything made sense. But I was terrified of what my parents would say or do if I told them, so I forced a smile amd wore those skirts.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore, I used my own money to buy new clothes and cut off my hair, waiting for the explosion my mother would create as soon as she saw it. Because I truly didn't care anymore. They screamed at me and told me they had no son. I couldn't stand the bitter hatred in their voices, so I left. Its been two weeks and they aren't even looking for me."
The room was dead silent, the echo of my words hung ominously long after they were spoken. My heart hammered in my chest, afraid I had scared them away. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back tears that threatened to fall. And as the first one broke free, I felt two pairs of strong arms envelope me. Surprised, I opened them and saw Archer and Ellison had moved from their own couch to mine and had me wrapped in the tightest hug possible, as if they intended to squeeze out my sadness with their combined embrace.
" It's going to be okay, we'll make sure of it"

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