neverland | han jisung ✓

xxi.

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REALITY.

Snow.

. . . it was snowing, and snowing usually meant something bad.

Warm tears were brimming the corners of her eyes, but she tried her best to keep most of it in as she lightly treads down the frosty pavement. Every white flake that fell down delicately in front of her, they all seemed like it begged for her attention, but she never pays it any heed.

She looked like a walking corpse.

Well, at the very least, she looked way better than how she did a few hours ago. The knots in her hair are gone, there is a soft sheen of moisturizer on her face which only made her face colder in this shitty weather, and maybe she swiped on a bit of tinted lipbalm to look more presentable; the catch is, she didn't know what Dahlia pink looks like.

But she stuck with it, ever since she received acknowledgement from the squirrel that this shade of pink looked great on her, and she mentally noted to herself to buy five of the same shade the next time she goes shopping.

'You don't deserve to reminisce, you deserve to suffer for what you've done to me.' A gentle voice emerges in her foggy head, but the venom in its message hugely contradicts its tone.

She just wanted closure, and for his constant happiness to ensue.

Several minutes later, the entrance of the park was nearby. Yuri furiously swipes the skin on her undereyes to get rid of any wetness and she then clenches her fists, staring at the entrance resolutely as if she were a soldier preparing for battle.

'What if he doesn't go?'

She quickly reaches for her phone to check the time and it was already 9:55 p.m

She exhales deeply, shaking her head before holding her chin up. She shoved her phone in her pockets and strode towards the entrance with the sheer determination to hold herself together.

Yuri trudges over to the bench Changbin instructed her to wait by but it was empty. There were a few people around, watching the stars or having late night ramen so at least she didn't have to feel like she was in a ghost town.

She sits down and wraps her arms around her shivering frame to hopefully produce some body heat for herself. She suddenly regrets not bringing a heat pack, but the combini was too far from where she was at ,and she didn't want to risk having a disappointed Jisung arrive to emptiness.

'I've put him through too much, the least I could do is freeze to death.'

Ryu's eyes glossed over the couples scattered around the field. Some were getting shitfaced, while some were having those late-night conversations under the stars which definitely qualifies for a core memory. What they all shared in common though, was the undeniable gleam in their eyes, that showed just how much they enjoyed basking in the presence of the other.

'The other; was I worthy of having an other?'

Yuri fishes her phone out of her pocket to check the time, but truthfully, she just wanted to see his face on her lockscreen again.

His childlike smile, and the eyes that she always comes back to, had the gleam that she so desperately seeks for.

Half an hour into contemplating alone, and she thinks to herself that he's late about fifteen minutes.

But the next time she checks her phone, it actually has been an hour and a half, yet there wasn't any trace of that blonde-haired boy anywhere.

Since it was so cold, Yuri pondered a bit if she should go home, however, guilt keeps her glued to her chilly seat.

Yuri grabs her bag, setting it down on the other end of the bench before lying down comfortably. She crossed her arms, closing her eyes to hopefully ease the headache she's having.

An hour later and Jisung still hasn't arrived. The lonely girl had checked her phone for the nth time but even Changbin hasn't responded to her. The only thing keeping her company was the blinking streetlight that didn't provide much heat, and the hearty laughs of a couple nearby which only made her feel worse.

'maybe, they just fell asleep?'
    
    
'but if jisung knew of this and fell asleep anyway, did this mean he didn't care?'

All these thoughts were obscuring her mind and the dam she just rebuilt in her eyes has started collapsing again. The headache she was having suddenly intensified tenfold, and her eyelids were getting droopy.

She checks her phone from her hand, and it was already 12:45 a.m, still with no apparent sign of Jisung.

"He bailed on me." Yuri hiccuped softly, giving into the tears that yearned to finally stream down her frozen cheeks, and the cracks in her heart that were half-assedly taped together are suddenly coming undone.

It was extremely frigid by that point and she knew whatever color was left in her face had now disappeared at this point. Even if she tried to keep her eyes open, lethargy lulls her to a short nap as the coldness that used to surround her is now permeating through her shivering frame.

"I deserve this."

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