neverland | han jisung ✓

viii.

____________

REALITY.

I was actually not free at the moment, but for her, I am now.

A phone call, from the one and only Staryu that I talk to on a daily basis.

And for some unknown reason, I was nervous.

The Han Jisung that can rap and belt his heart out on stage in front of thousands of fans, is now cowering in fear over some random girl she met like what? two weeks ago?

Maybe she was sick? Maybe she had a secret to confess? Maybe she needed help?

Myriads of possibilities brew in my mind as I anxiously waited for the unknown number to pop up on my screen. It feels weird... calling someone that wasn't family. It's the same jitters I felt whenever I passed by my crush in middle school, or the same ones as that of the first time I stepped inside the JYP building; both lead to something very disastrous.

But I'm an idol: I had to be ready for social interaction, I had to be talkative and funny, I had to be used to this by now... right?

No... no, I'm still awfully terrified. About the risks I'm taking by talking to this stranger I've opened my heart up to so easily, about maintaining the image I painted for myself out there, about the way people will perceive me after they realize I'm just this vulnerable slob of fear... who's just barely making it to the top with the jokes he makes every day.

I'm terrified.

After what felt like millennia, my phone starts vibrating and the familiar tune of my ringtone chimes loudly. My heart felt like it could burst right out of this constraining chest, and it was all because of some stupid digits displayed on the screen.

Hesitant, I picked up the phone, putting it on speaker and clearing my throat before finally peeping out a soft hello.

At first, I heard no sound. It was eerie and the only thing I could hear was the crackles of thunder on her end.

The thunderstorm must be near me too since she lives in Seoul.

Realizing that neither of us was were speaking up, I decided to take the first fall.

"Yuri?" My lips quiver afterward, and it felt so strange hearing her name roll off my own tongue.

I've never actually said her name before.

I finally earn an indication of her presence, but unfortunately she makes it known that she's there through anxious breaths.

"Yuri? Are you okay?" Still answered with deafening silence.

Nervously, I call out to her again. "Yuri, please answer me. I'm getting really worried."

I heard the faintest sound of sniffles erupting from the speakerphone and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. She's crying.

Now I was really– no, distressed.

Why do I care so much? because she's my friend?

Friend... my friend?

Why the hell does that sound so weird?

"Yuri—"

"Jisung."

My heartbeat, admittedly not at all prepared to hear her voice, just suddenly skids into a stop.

My first ever memory of her voice, and it's not at all how I ever imagined it would sound like. It carried a tender feebleness to it, and if juxtaposed to her online persona, it was.. odd.