neverland | han jisung ✓

xvi.

_____________

REALITY.

Am I going too far?

Enlightened; I want to be enlightened on the boundaries I shouldn't cross and the thick lines that dictate where we stand. I want to know when to stop, when to stay away, when to remember that I'm probably going too far. Because I, for one, would respect my personal bubble left untouched. But am I respecting his?

Fansign after fansign, music show after the other; I get to enjoy all of that because of a free pass granted to me by some stranger on Snapchat. A free pass that ultimately lead me to new remarkable friends who opened my doors. A free pass that had me appreciating the musical culture that I used to just skip on Youtube autoplay. And above all, a free pass to a best friend that never overstays his welcome in my boundaries.

I'm starting to get why these K-pop fans are so invested. I'm starting to understand the hype around these manufactured idols because strangely, there lies a human being behind their faces caked with expensive foundation. Their genuine personalties, the joy that they bring, and the mistakes that they make: Everything that proves to be authentic is in them.

But is that really why I was so invested? Is that the reason I've spent numerous nights trying to coax a child into sleeping early for their schedules the next day? Is that what's got my toes curling whenever meaningless flirtations are sent through my way? Is that really what's got my heart throbbing in disgustingly fast paces?

No, it's all because of that dumb squirrel.

It has been two and a half months already, and I thought he was going to be one of my 'one night stand' mutuals. I thought after a few weeks we would eventually get bored of each other and move on with our lives.

The Yuri two months ago would've never believed it. She would've never kept someone for as long as two weeks maximum. She would've never opened up about her fears to someone she met online. She would've never let herself get so emotionally attached to an idol that she was never supposed to be a fan of in the first place, because she never really did understand the harsh industry.

Yet it's bewitching, it's mind-boggling, it's new. It's an unfamiliar feeling that I could barely discern. It's something so strange and different from what I'm used to, that I couldn't help but find out what's more to this feeling that's got me giggling in my sleep.

I wish it would never end, that it's just an endless string of late-night conversations that never swim too deep and mindless flirting that never really goes anywhere. But you couldn't really help a heart that's slowly falling in love, even if you tried. You couldn't really help one that's submerging into the pit of blinding darkness, where it's no longer easy to make out those lines that used to dictate your standing.

We were going to have a misunderstanding eventually,

and by eventually, I wish there never was an eventually.

SNAPCHAT.

starryuu
i went to this red velvet concert before ^__^

j_onee
oh yeah
you're friends with yeri aren't you??

starryuu
indeed we are