Monday,May 21 (at school)
I still feel alone. "New girl" (from last entry),lets call her "AB"came back to school after two weeks today. My "old friend" (also from last entry) she'll be "S". Is now hanging out with AB. "Best-friend" (also from last entry) lets just call her "AC". Is also hanging out with AB. So,I feel even more alone. I want to cut. I need to cut. I want to cut so badly. I need to take control of my feelings. I feel like I'm drowning again. I need to cut. I need to. I want to feel another type of pain than emotional pain. The voice in my head is telling me to. I choke on my feelings. I don't want to tell my friends or family about my feelings,or how broken I am. But,why do I feel so hopeless? I can't show what I'm going through. I don't want to. I can't tell anyone.
(Not at school)
Oh dear God. I almost cut. I was so close. The razor was on my arm. I was pushing down on it. My hands were shaking. But,I stopped. I don't know why. I did almost cut. I did slice. But,not hard enough. I was breathing to hard. I felt like fainting. I had to get out of the shower and stop. I went to my room and feel down. I started to cry. My emotions stopped for a second. The voice in my head was saying that I was alright,it's all over now. I reread these entries. Looking at them. I realized how much of a fucking mess I am. God. Even if I did stop. Would I stop next time?
This will be the end of entry:3. There will be no light tomorrow.
End of Entry:3
-Cambria.
YOU ARE READING
Maybe Tomorrow
Non-FictionWill tomorrow be better for me? Can I stop screaming for help and not make any noise at all? Can someone see I'm actually broken? Can I actually be saved from this darkness and controls me? This is my diary. This is my life. This is my depression. ...
