Maybe Tomorrow

Entry:1

Friday, May 18

         Today I got sick at school. I don't really know if it was me being sick or me just trying my best to be alone and keep my emotions by myself. 
          On the way home my mom didn't say a word to me like she usually does. She might of been thinking, She must be faking. I mean, she always claims she's sick.
              I still feel alone inside. Maybe even just helpless inside the feelings I've kept myself in. I hate showing my tears and me actually being sad, or, well, hurt. So, I did what I had to do. Drown myself in my emotions till I can't breath anymore.
               I almost slit my wrists, again today. I almost cut myself when my emotions get the best of me. It could be anger,guiltless,sadness, or even happiness. I don't know why I have this voice in my head telling me to CUT ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS OUT. NO ONE WOULD CARE ANYWAYS. Just have to push that voice aside sometimes and keep on moving forward. Still drowning in my emotions.
               I'm doing this diary for my own sake. For me to not become completely, NUMB. I don't try to cut myself because I want to die. I do it so maybe I can get rid of my emotional pain with.... physical pain. It comes at a cost, and sometimes I do want to take that cost. By sometimes I mean, every day.
                In fact I did cut my thigh once, maybe twice. It was when I had to much anger and sadness. So, I just got my razor and cut. I felt like I was under control when I did it though. I felt, normal.
                This will be the end of Entry 1. Maybe I will find a little light in the dark I'm in. Maybe, just maybe.
 
                 End of Entry:1
                
                 -Cambria.