steve rogers, bucky barnes, and other stories

the problem with counting stars [stucky]

the above video is the song that inspired this fic. i honestly love sleeping at last so much, and i think everyone needs to appreciate them more. 

summary: bucky and steve stargaze. the stars are the only thing that never change, but bucky and steve will find each other anyways. always, always, always. 

tw: lil light murder, not incredibly graphic, but some description of blood

1934

the gravel sticks to bucky's back, itching against an old cut from some fight. his arms are by his side, the back of his hand pressed against steve's, the sweat slick on their pale skin. 

"there!" steve exclaims, pointing at the sky with one hand. his face breaks out into a grin as he turns to glance at his friend. "did you see that one?" 

bucky turns to look at steve, eyes soft and so, so, so, in love. "missed it again," he murmurs. 

steve turns away, still smiling. "you're not even watching for them." 

bucky hums a response, memorizing the cut of steve's jaw, and the way that the moonlight glimmers on his skin. 

"watch," steve insists, not looking back at bucky. "we gotta wish on one together." 

"what're we gonna wish for?" 

steve shrugs. somewhere, sarah rogers pulls together what little food they have into a meal for the three of them. a boy with dirt streaked across his cheek chases a dog with his tail wrapped in a tin can. and above it all, the two boys hide where the world can't find them. the roof is a sanctuary, where the sun leaves burnt skin but stitches together the scabs on their elbows. 

"you decide," steve says. 

bucky has so many things that he wishes for. so many things that he wants with everything that he has, with every cell in his body and breath in his lungs. so many things leave a kind of ache in the back of his head, a kind of bruise that steve rogers couldn't put some ice on and heal. so many things, but in the end, they all boil down to the beginning, middle, and end of his world.

i wish you'd kiss me. i wish you wanted me the way i want you. i wish you would hold my hand just now. i wish we were never apart. i wish you would never get sick again. i wish the world would let me love you the way i want to. i wish you would let me. 

"i - " bucky stops. "i don't know. you come up with something." 

"i came up with something last time," steve says stubbornly, and bucky wants to taste that insistence on his tongue and let it dry there the way that sugar candies do, wants to bite down on those words as if they had no meaning because what bucky wishes for is wrong, and he's not supposed to hurt steve like that. 

there's something in steve's eyes when he turns to look at bucky. there's something unreadable there, as if steve knows every secret bucky's never told, as if he has unending faith that everything is going to be okay. 

they lie there for a moment, the kind of moment that you could live in forever. the night air rests on their exposed skin, and bucky shivers under the weight of the sky. the stars flicker above them, and there is nothing between the two boys and heaven. god is watching them, bucky knows, but in that moment, all he can feel is the bravery in steve's eyes. the every day courage that heats steve's veins, the constant craving in his lungs, the constant battle that is wanting and needing. 

steve turns away as soon as the instant ends, as soon as thoughts seem to permeate the air and filter between their teeth. as soon as it gets too dangerous to breathe.