Learning to live again

Alone and Lost

Soon my legs couldn't take me any further. The pain held my tears back I didn't know where i was but i knew i was far from my village. I stood still for a bit  and for the first time i looked around to where i had taken myself.

I was on a cliff and from the distance i could see a small village.

it wasn't very beautiful but looked homely and busy. But i didn't want to go anywhere near it. in front of me were mountains with beautiful, green grass growing on them. The sight was beautiful but i didn't care 1 bit. I just wanted my family back.

As much as i tried I couldn't forget about my beautiful family. why did that happen to me what was the point i thought to myself what was God getting from destroying my life. Nothing. I was furious at God , at my family for leaving me alone and i was furious at India and Pakistan just because of them thousand's of innocent lives were being lost but they didn't think about us they were to busy destroying lives.

Most of all i was furious at taking Aba's life and for not burying my families body. How stupid of me to let them rot there. All that they had done for me and i couldn't even bury them in a peaceful way. I was ashamed of myself. But i prayed god will protect their bodies and soul.

My thought's disturbed me how was i ever going to live, who would marry me ,will i turn into a mad woman,will i be left alone and forgotten .  I could go to my relatives but i hardly had any except my hideous uncle who complained to Aba about me all the time, to not let me out as i was old enough to be married. And anyway i didn't even know were he lived.  And i wasn't interested.

Life was going to be hard but i had to make a living even though the past would be marked in my heart forever. slowly the sun stated to set and the more scared i got how on earth was i going to spend a night her .now i understood how lucky i was before i would always complain to mama that we should get thicker blankets.

I moved around looking for a good place to sleep and where no animal would eat me . After a few minutes i found a corner next to a tree and tried to sleep but all night i heard the whimpering of insects and noises of wild animals which made me jump . I had never had a night like this in my whole life. I just thought of my rubbish life in the dark.

I spent the night staring at the stars thinking about the scary future that lay in front of me. I was hopeless,lost and alone.