Perspective

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

When I walked into Mr. Collin's class room, a song was playing loudly. It was the voice of Kurt Cobain. I suddenly remembered liking Nirvana and I remembered the song. I couldn't remember my own mother, but I could remember Nirvana. What was up with that?

Mr. Collins was at his desk, scribbling his pen onto papers.

I've been locked inside your heart shaped box, for weeks... I've been drawn into your magnet tarp pit trap... Heart Shaped Box. That was the song.

"Nirvana?" I called through the music. Mr. Collins' looked up, locks of his dark brown hair falling to his forehead. He reached over to his ipod that was sitting on his desk, attached to speakers that was blasting the song. He turned down the volume.

"Charly," He said with a pleasant smile. "What are you doing here? School is done for the day."

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to come by and say thanks." I said. "You know, for giving me that advice earlier. You're so right, and that's exactly what I'm trying to do." He nodded.

"Good. Glad to hear it." He glanced back down at the papers on his desk.

"So, is this what you do when you're not teaching? You listen to Nirvana at full volume?" I asked him. He laughed.

"Well, actually I'm grading papers. And I find I like Nirvana very much. I like to work with them playing." He said. I giggled.

"They are a good band." I agreed. "What else do you like?"

"Oh you know, just rock. Zeppelin, Misfits, Ted Nugent, AC/DC."

"Really? Huh. So fitting for an English teacher," I exclaimed with a smile.

"What, did you expect me to listen to classical music while reading Shakespeare?" He asked sarcastically.

"Maybe," I admitted. "You know, I really like the band The Smiths. I was looking through some of my CD's and I played some of The Smiths in my room. I like them. I actually sort of remember listening to them in my bedroom all the time. A long time ago."

"So, you're starting to remember things." He remarked.

"Little things." I said. "It's not that big of a deal but I just remember liking the Smiths. And I like them now. Would it be weird if I said I didn't want to start remembering stuff?"

"No." He said. "You've told me how you feel about yourself in the past. And it would make sense if you really want to start fresh."

"God, I hate the way I was." I muttered, leaning against the desk that was in front of his desk. "I don't want to remember stuff."

"Well, you can't change who you're becoming. It'll just be different because you'll remember things."

"What if I realize how in love I was with Keith? What if I come crawling back to him? Ugh, I hate him." I said through gritted teeth.

"Charly, that's not going to happen." He told me with a chuckle. "That would be weird if it did. You're gradually coming to realize the person that you want to be, and the people that you want to stay clear of. You can't change your situtation Charly, but you can change how you deal with it. And you've decided that you want to start over."

"I know." I said quietly. "I just hope things don't start changing. I don't want things to go back to the way they were." He started messing around with his ipod and before I knew it, the song 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' by the Smiths came on and he turned it up. I looked at him and smiled. "The Smiths," He stood up from his chair and walked around the desk to me.

"I hope you enjoy this song. I think it's one of my favorites by The Smiths." He said. I nodded.

"Yeah, mine too." I replied standing up.