Forgetting What Could've Been

Chapter 5: Deviance

Lyndsee looked down at her printed copy of her schedule for the day. She only had two classes, which she was the most excited about. She had applied to college with a major in sociology. She believed it was the least complicated. Lyndsee could not tell what the future held for her, but at least she would know a bit bout why society was as messed up as it was. She read the name of her first class. 

SOC 414: Sociology of Deviance. Rm 400, Samuel Till Hall. 

Lyndsee made her way around campus, and she swore she could feel people staring at her from the corner of her eyes. She reminded herself that she was just being paranoid. She once again felt frustrated at herself and Detective Johnson even more for her paranoid thoughts. She took the stairs up to the tall white building and found her room number. Lyndsee stood at the lecture hall entrance, tugging on her navy blue sweatshirt. Was she really ready?  Was this a mistake? Maybe she wasn't, and maybe she could  talk about dropping-

"Oh my God, Lyndsee, just shut up," Lyndsee told herself. She was spiraling. She also hadn't realized she had spoken out loud when she caught a glimpse of a group of students looking at her up and down, talking amongst themselves. 

Lyndsee quickly tugged on the door handle and made her way in. Everyone in the lecture hall suddenly stopped talking and looked back at Lyndsee, standing in the doorway. There had to be at least 60 students in the class it made dead silence worse. She looked a the clock and realized she was very late. She had not considered the time she had spent outside talking to Detective Johnson. She heard murmurs and whispers as the professor adjusted her microphone, motioning everyone to turn their attention to the front. Lyndsee made her way to the back row, wanting to sink into a hole 

"You must be Lyndsee Thompson, is that correct?" The professor projected into her microphone. 

"Yes, I am?" she frowned, her answer coming off as a question. "I'm sorry I'm late."

 "You're the last one I was missing off my list. I'm glad you could join us today."

More silence followed, which made the professor quickly change the subject. 

"Alright then, I'll continue to where I left off. This class is about deviancy, the implications of deviant behaviors, and its effects on society." 

Lyndsee felt uncomfortable. She felt several heads turn and heard mumbling and whispers she could not make out. Lyndsee grabbed her notebook and pen and started to scribble, trying to take her mind off the thought. 

"I think we have enough deviancy and damage in this room, Ian?" She heard a sharp whisper behind her, loud enough to hear, which made her turn around. There sat Steph, an arm around her, who Lyndsee presumed was her boyfriend. Steph raised her eyebrow up at her and cocked her head to the side, and scoffed. Her boyfriend, Ian, sat there staring hard at Lyndsee. 

"Turn around, Felon, I wasn't talking to you." 

Lyndsee grew enraged but decided to remain calm. There was no point in getting into it now. She turned back around and could hear the snickering around her. 

In the lecture hall, Fabi sat on the opposite side of the room, looking at everyone around her in confusion. Everyone was acting horribly, and Fabi wondered what the deal was with this new girl.  The professor continued with her lecture. 

"There will be a group project worth thirty percent of your grade. You will have the opportunity to work on this in class, and I have pulled a randomized roster of the groups. When I call your names and group number, please make your way to your group now."  

As the professor started to give seats, Fabi was left wondering about Lyndsee. She had heard that name before but could not recall where. It seemed that everyone in the room, in this town, knew something she didn't. She wanted to get to know her. Lyndsee looked like she could use a friend. She looked unusual, which made her even more curious. She looked like she hadn't slept in days and it wouldn't hurt to introduce herself. Her thoughts were interrupted by the professor calling her name.

"Fabiola Sanchez. Samuel Rickson, Ian Orozco,and Lyndsee Thompson! You will be group 3." 

Fabi heard some people sigh in relief unapologetically. Fabi raised her hand, so her group could approach her way. How rude. She thought to herself. Lyndsee kept her head down as she made herself towards Fabi. Suddenly, she heard Ian speak up with intensity.

"Hey, I... uh... can't do this. I mean, I'd rather work on this project alone." Ian protested.

"Well, I apologize, but unless you have accommodations, you'll be in your group. I suggest you use what you've learned and socialize with your group. I'm the teacher, and that is where you are sitting." The Professor shot back.

Lyndsee's face grew hot as she sunk into her seat next to Fabi. She hated this already. She knew this was a bad idea. She looked down at her hands and tugged on her sleeves. She told Detective Johnson she never wanted to go to go to college. She never asked to be here. This was definitely the reaction she did, in fact, expect from people.

__________________

After a two-hour lecture, the class was dismissed, and Lyndsee waited until everybody left. She grabbed the schedule from her backpack and looked at it. She frowned and approached the professor. 

"Hi, um, can you tell me where this is?" She said quietly, pointing at the paper.

"Yes, that would be right upstairs. Super easy to get to, just take the elevator to the left once you exit through those doors." The professor pointed to the back. 

Lyndsee nodded and started to walk away when she stopped her.

"I know you're going through a difficult time, Lyndsee, and if there's anything you need, just ask me. Please feel free to talk to me whenever. Don't mind the students."

Lyndsee stiffened. "Um, what do you mean by that?"

"What do you mean?"

"A difficult time? What makes you think that?"

The professor sighed. "The dean and support services gave all your professors a brief understanding of the situation. We're only trying to make you feel comfortable and accomodate ..."

"No." She held her hand up, cutting her off. ". I don't mean to be rude, but you absolutely don't need to do that."

A difficult time. No. All she wanted was to start over and make a positive impression, but now everyone knew. Just about everyone knew about her past, and it made her sick to her stomach. 

Lyndsee clutched her notebook and schedule in her shaking arms. She saw a group of girls standing alongside the hallway, eyeing her, making it obvious that they were talking about her. Lyndsee ignored them and kept walking faster. When she got past them, she could hear Steph behind her. 

"I saw her go in with a parole officer. Are you kidding? What a freak." She had said jokingly.

Lyndsee could hear the laughter echoing as she walked away.