Lifeguard Jeon

° T H I R T Y - N I N E °

The storm hits violently in the middle of the night. Crashing, loud thunder, as if the tectonic plates of the earth are smashing each other in rage and the world is self-destructing. I'm glad. It expresses the emotion inside me, the fury I feel toward a world that took Yoongi from me. I feel cheated and hollow inside. He was my protector, my guiding light, my spiritual leader.

I looked up the word shaman. Its root are in a Siberian language. It means a healer who sees in the dark. With my parents away and Yoongi gone, the whole world seems dark.

Quivering bolts of lightning break over the ocean like ragged harpoons piercing the blackness. Rain hitting the window. Will snuggles into my blanket, eyes wide. He doesn't like the noise, but he's not as phobic as some animals. I think of Jimin, all alone now, without Yoongi. Is he up now? What is he thinking? How much does that poor, wonderful dog understand? How he goes on? Jungkook told me that he sleeps with him now. It's hard for him, he says, but he thinks she understands.

it hasn't stormed like this in weeks. I know what's ahead. I don't look forward to the attic.

"You can sleep downstairs tonight," Irene had said this morning when we learned the storm was coming. She was going to be in Seoul for the night.

"It's fine," I'd said, even though it wasn't. This isn't my first storm here. What will happen isn't new to me. It won't bother me as much if I act as if it's no big deal. I get into my bed tuckinf the blanket around me like a protective shield, then close my eyes, ignoring everything outside.

This time when the whistling and moaning start, they're louder than I ever remember them. The keening builds to a hideous, unending screeching that gnaws through my bones and could break glass. The ghosts seem determined to be heard over the storm outside. I cover my ears to block out the sound, it's useless. The eerie screams come through on some other frequency, a pathway to the brain that can't be shut out with fingers pressed hard into my ears. I put my head under the blanket and hug Joy, inhaling her furry warmth and doggy smell.

I lie back on the bed, a pillow draped over my head. I feel my body giving away, sinking into sleep, when out of nowhere the air around me darkens to blackness. I squint and make out an silhouette looming over me. As it moves closer, I realize it's a stingray the size of the room. it unfurls its sluggish body only a feet above me like a cape. It's larger than anything I've ever seen in nature before, as terrifying as the long snake Yoongi told me about.

Like a heavy, smothering blanket of living flesh, the giant stingray blocks out all outside light. Slowly and steadily it lowers itself over me. I fixate on the razor sharp long tail dragging behind it, a narrow and out of proportion to its mass. Hard to imagine the deadly weapon it can become, lashing whiplike in self-defense in the face of threat. It floats nearer, the black, shining eyes, staring ahead, cold, emotionless, intent. It moves closer and closer, choking off the air.

"No," I try to yell, only no sounds come out of my mouth. "Not again." My voice is trapped inside my body. I can't speak. I struggle like a mute, with the words stuck inside my throat. The silent screams echo inside me, my vocal cords getting raw from the effort. "Stop, stop, stop."

Frantically, I beg for help, for Jungkook. Where is he? The massive creature is only inches away now, the eyes still staring, giving no hint of its plan or its motivation. I try to reach out to push it away, but the effort is useless because its huge weight and size are crushing down now and I can hardly breathe.

A tremendous crash outside makes me jump up, my T-shirt soaked, my heart hammering. I run the stairs to escape. Even with the storm, all I can think of is getting away from the house and getting outside, away from danger. The creaky stairs seem to scream as I ran down them. Crashes of thunder cover my sounds. The door slams behind me and I run toward the beach. it's black outside, no moonlight or stars to light the way. The wind is blowing hard, the rain is pounding heavily in every direction, its coolness washing away my seat. Without warning, smack, something slams me hard from behind. I fall forward hitting the concrete.