When you're dying, people say you see a tunnel and a column of blinding light. Sometimes you can hear the voices of people around you, even though they don't know that you can. I remember a feeling of warmth and love, a kind I never experienced before. I gave myself over to a powerful entity, some great spiritual force in the universe as I floated without a body anymore, thinking about all of my life and my childhood. I saw my parents and grandparents and Cousin Irene. I didn't have to talk to any of them, I couldn't, but it didn't matter because they were there with me in that wide expanse of white, enchanted space in a new sphere of existence somewhere outside the earth.
But then I approached an ending, or a border. I sensed an indistinct line in the sand between the worlds of life and death and I fought back hard, drawn by a strong lifeline. I crossed over to that other, more vivid, pulsating reality that I could see so clearly in my mind. And then I floated, and slept, a deep calming sleep of renewal, rebirth, and completion.
° ° ° ° °
The voices are behind me somewhere. I can't see any one. There's a blinding light, only this one is cold and white making everything ghostly and unnatural, hurting my eyes.
Where am I?
White sheets. A blanket. I'm in bed, only beeping sounds are everywhere.
A tape around my arm holds a needle attached to a tube. i hate needles; why is it there? Tiny droplets of blood, one after another, trickle through the tube that goes inside me.
Why?
What happened?
What's wrong with me?
Why am I here?
I move and spark of pain courses through my body. I can't move my left leg. It's dead, useless. Is it still attached? Am I paralyzed? I manage to move my arm. I push down the sheet. The leg is totally bandaged; the dressing is spotted with blotches of red and yellow. That's not right.
It's hard to focus, to think straight.
Am I drugged?
I can't remember anything. What happened to my mind? Who's talking behind me? I can't see anyone.
I force my eyes to open. The light burns. I make out the outline of someone in white? A nurse? She comes toward me and pours something from a small envelope, like a sugar pack, into a bag of watery liquid that's hanging on the pole with the blood.
"What is that?"
"A sedative . . . to help you sleep."
"Sleep?" It comes out muffled like there's something in my mouth - or my head. Have they fogged up my brain? "I don't want to sleep. I want to get up. I want to go home."
She shakes her head. "You have to rest, Suzy."
"Why, what happened?"
She doesn't hear me or pretends not to.
"What happened?" I repeat. Is she deaf? Why doesn't she answer?
She studies the monitor that's beeping and writes something on paper with a clipboard. I want to ask her something else, but what? I can't focus. I can't think. Then I look up. Irene comes toward me. She doesn't look like the cousin I remember. Her face is gray and sad and pinched. She's older now. She looks scared. For the first time I see lines between her eyes. She reaches out for my hand and squeezes it. She pretends to smile, but it's hard for her. She's not like that. She's honest. I feel pity for her, but I'm not sure why. A doctor walks in and studies the chart. Her face pale with the same lifeless expression.
JE LEEST
Lifeguard Jeon
FanfictieIt's an unsettled summer for Suzy Bae. Back in Gwangju, her family's splitting apart, but her older cousin's beach place in Busan, everything is different. Especially with him around. Jungkook. He's the lifeguard with extraordinary looks and strange...