Lifeguard Jeon

° T H I R T Y °

There's a yellow light behind my eyes, a warm light. I open them and see sunlight. It pours through the window and I squint. Was that what woke me? I lie back on the pillow. Something is different. But what? I'm stiff and uncomfortable. I shift and try to sit up.

Then I know.

The deep wrenching pain. It's gone.

The whole world feels flooded with sweetness and renewal. The impossibly blue sky that follows the darkest storm - a miracle like a green sprout that has burrowed its way through blocks of cement. Bad things wash away, the world turns and dark becomes light.

Someone thrusts a balloon into my hand and I look up. The hand belongs to Eomma's. Next to her is Appa.

"Omo!" My eyes flood with tears.

"Sweety," Appa says, stepping toward me. He leans over and kisses my forehead. Eomma sits down and hugs me. Tears stream out of her eyes.

"Don't cry, eomma, please. I'm okay."

"I know you are," she says, hunched over me, "but I was so scared." She looks out the window. I know what she's thinking, but she's wrong. It wasn't her fault, it had nothing to do with her. But I don't say anything. It's not the time to talk about what happened.

I look at them together. Is there a chance? Are they closer now because of what happened? But appa's not putting an arm around eomma. They're next to each other, but they're not together.

"When did you get here?"

"Yesterday," eomma answers. "Irene called us as soon as it happened."

No one says anything.

It.

No one's exactly clear on it - not even me.

How much do they know? How much do I know? They're afraid to ask me anything, to upset me. They don't want me to talk about it. Unease washes over me, though. What if they want to take me home with them? I tackle it head on.

"I want to spend the rest of the summer here," I look directly at Eomma and then Appa. They can't say no to me now. I have the advantage. Appa stares at his feet. He doesn't know what to say.

"We'll do whatever's best for you," Eomma says.

The nurse comes in, as if on cue. She's carrying my lunch tray. "Kimchi fried rice," she says, brightly. "Get it while it's hot."

It helps break the tension. Appa scratches the back of his head. "Do you serve parents?"

"They're not on the menu," she says, deadpan. Then she smiles. "There's a cafeteria downstairs."

I hear Irene's voice outside. She's talking to someone. "Four inches of rain," she says. "Half of the city lost power."

I remember the OR and how everything shut off. What if there hadn't been a blackout, what would have happened to me? I'm also trying to figure out something else about the night, but Irene comes over to my bed and I forget.

"A still life," she says, with a half smile. "You can do a picture to brighten up the room. I brought your pencils."

The doctor comes in next with two medical students following him like baby chicks. His face lights up when he sees me now, the mask of pity gone.

"Quite a turnaround, Suzy," he says, shaking his head. He lowers the blanket and gently lifts the tape on the bandage to show the students. We all stare at the foreign object that's my leg. There's a long, thin line where they stitched the gash, but the redness and infection are gone.

"She'll have full use of the leg," he says. He's bragging, as if all the credit goes to him. I shoot him a dark look that I hope his students will see. One of them is too busy taking notes, writing everything down, even when I sneeze. I guess she's preparing in case my leg and its fate will be essay question on his final exam. When they all trail out, I try to swing my leg over the side of the bed, but it's impossible.

I surprise myself by finishing my entire lunch.

Appa smirks. "She never had a problem eating. Nearly had to take out a second mortgage on the place to pay the bills."

Eomma chuckles. "That's not exactly the way I remember it."

My parents work hard at keeping the conversation going as if a dead space would draw us back to focusing on it. They must have vowed to do whatever had to be done for me and put all their feelings about each other out of the way. Still, their act is convincing. I push back the table with the empty plate.

"Irene, is Jungkook here today?"

She shrugs. "I'll ask." She jumps to her feet and leaves the room, probably glad I've given her something to do other than sitting with our sad party.

"Jungkook?" Appa questions.

"The lifeguard . . . The one who pulled me out."

"Why would he be here?"

"He's an EMS tech."

My parents exchange looks that I'm not supposed to see. Just then Irene comes back in. "He's at the beach, Suzy."

I look at all of them. "Then I have to go to there right now."

"What?" Appa looks at me in disbelief. He shakes his head, afraid to protest.

"Suzy, you're getting over a serious accident," Eomma says, gently. "I don't think they exactly want you going to the beach."

I look at eomma and appa and then Irene. "If it hadn't been for him, you wouldn't have a daughter anymore."

They exchange glances without another word.