Her Admirer ||GOT7 Jinyoung fanfic ✔

-34-

<Val pov>

Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung. My boyfriend. Making out with Kim Jisoo. Right there, in front of my eyes. I stopped moving. My heart stopped beating. The sight of them holding each other and kissing like that broke my heart.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, while I just stared, I wanted to turn away. My heart wanted me to run away from everything, hide in a small hole and cry until I died.

I took one short strangled breath. And stared in horror when Jinyoung turned to face me. Not with guilt. Or regret. Or even pity that I had to witness this. None of that. Not a tinge of guilt was present on his face.

Instead, smugness. Smirking at me. He had the guts. To smirk at me. After I caught him cheating. He is standing there smirking. If I thought I was upset and hurt just now, I was beyond livid. How could he? Did this mean nothing to him? At all?

I wiped away the hot tears that fell down my face roughly. I was upset. My heart wanted to go. But the stronger side of me was forced by my brain to confront him. As much as I wanted to scream and shout and slap him. I couldn't. My heart was still trying to handle the extreme shock.

I couldn't. It broke my heart beyond repair. It was terrifying. I could hear my heart cracking. But I had to know why he did this. A lump formed in my throat which I swallowed down. I could nit break down and start bawling like a baby. Not yet.

I walked over to him, slow steps because I was just sluggish. My heart died. The little fragment pieces of my fragile heart falling down every step I took closer. Fresh tears surfaced every second I looked.

"Why." I said in a shaky voice.

No reply...

"Why?" I asked louder, trying to get air into my bursting lungs. They wanted oxygen but I was so upset I could breathe. There was a tight feeling and ache in my chest. I wanted to go up to him bravely and start hitting his chest, begging for a reply.

But still silence. Only the atmosphere of smugness and contempt surrounding me.

"Why?" I couldn't take it. Salty tears streamed down my face the same way my heart dropped when I saw them.

"Why??" I shouted, rushed up to him and pushed him. I broke down. There and then.

"Did it not mean anything to you?? Why her?? Why me? Why must I be hurt?? You promised. It hurts. You don't get it!! I have loved you with all my heart and this is what you do to it?? I loved you so much! Why? Is there a problem with me? Why Park Jinyoung?? WHY??!!" I yelled and turned to Jisoo.

"Why?? What did I ever do to you?" I stammered and tried to sniff away my tears. I couldn't breathe properly. My chest was tight.

"You cheated to. Somehow it is okay for you to do something, but when I do it you act like a manic." He shrugged. Shrugged. He shrugged. I don't know if I was going to be angry or sad.

"Cheated. Cheated." I scoffed.

"The only cheater here is you!! You trust a soft copy picture over your girlfriend," I licked my dry, chapped lips, "You know why? You don't trust me enough to even bother coming to me and asking me!! Where is the fking trust??? You call this relationship a relationship where there is no fking trust??? ITS A PICTURE FOR GOODNESS SAKE I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU!! I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO DO THAT!! I DID NOT AND WILL NEVER! BUT YOU DON'T HAVE THE FKING COURAGE OR CARE TO EVEN ASK ME!!" I screamed.

He stared at me shocked, by my outburst. My heart was aching more than ever now. I started hiccuping. I was whirled around this storm of emotion.

"So you never cheated? It was photoshopped?" He asked slowly, as though he was taking an enormous amount of consideration into what he was saying.

"Y-yes." I cried. "It did happen but we never kissed... I was mapping out the dance and he was looking at- it." I sobbed.

"How can I trust you..." he said slowly. That made me flare up.

"THATS THE THING YOU TRUST A DIGITAL PICTURE OVER ME!! Why can't you see that I love you... you don't believe it do you... you don't trust me..." I said in a smaller voice. Like a mouse accepting defeat. I saw no point. He didn't trust me. I was sure he wouldn't have dated me if given another choice... I didn't want to force him...

I love him to much for that... I just want him to be happy... it didn't matter if I was hurt... broken or torn... it hurt true... Loving him hurt... I wanted to fight for him. To get him to see that I truly love him and he can trust me... But I given up... he was his own person... but maybe I will try in another life.

I steadied myself against the wall and stared at him, tearing through his soul. My throat was parched and tears filled my eyes. Dried tears stained my cheeks as I stared at him.

"I still love you... I will always love you... I love you too much to see you try to fake it for me... I want you to be happy... I hope one day... we could be friends and trust each other... I-" I sniffed. It was too painful to keep going.

I walked away. My heart as broken as my soul. His words and lack of trust were thrown at me with the same impact a bullet had on a small sponge. He was like throwing sticks and stones at me, watching my helpless little figure get beaten up the same way bullies see their victim bleeding.

I never realised the truth until now. After this happened. Jinyoung was like a magnet. I was the little metal watch. He attracted me to him but I get hurt despite all the happiness I get to experience.

His palm was the box, my heart was the treasure. My heart ran right into his palm. And what did he do? Hell no he did not treat it was care and hold it gently. He crushed it. Into little smithereens.

He crumpled my small heart that I willing gave to him and crushed it into a little powdery mess, than sprinkled it onto the floor. Without a care in the world and rolling over the remains of my pathetic heart with his car.

I had a problem of addiction to him. It hurt. But I couldn't get away. It was like he chained my struggling heart to his presence and existence and threw away the keys. It hurt to love him. But I couldn't tear myself away from him.

I went to the bathroom and locked myself in the last cubical and took out something Jan gave me in case Macy was there and could attack me. I chuckled sadly. And looked at the piece of metal.

"I can't..."

Thats what I whispered to myself. But my heart said otherwise. I choked on my tears and sobbed. Than I pushed out the blade.

And pressed it down.

A/n, I personally don't like author notes but I wanna say sorry if this chap is not that good, my exams were horrible so I wrote this based on how disappointed I am with myself so... unedited and sorry if it sucks...