Dad: Alexa, unleash the roombas.
*24 roombas emerge from under the bed, consuming everything in their path*
Princey: I STEPPED ON A FUCKING LEAF AND AT THE SAME TIME SOME KID SCREAMED I THOUGHT IT WAS THE FUCKING LEAF OMG
Princey: why do we always have to reblog my mistakes
Me: The Three Stages of Life:
1. Birth
2. W H A T T H E F U C K I S T H I S
3. Death
Logan: Found a paper I wrote in 5th grade that I got an 'F' on.
My prompt was "Imagine you are sitting on a cloud. What would you do or see?"
I wrote,
"I would see the ground as I fell because I would fall through it because in science you told us that clouds were just water mists."
Me: I thought I was in a bad mood but it's been a few years so I guess this is who I am now
Dad: *almost used a metal knife to get bagel out of the toaster*
Princey: *distressed* I forgot my shrimp!
Deceit: *with no context whatsoever* RELEASE THE BLOOD
Dad: Why does my phone text look so much bigger than usual?
Oh. Because my phone's closer to my face.
Princey: 'stop being overdramatic' they say. 'I don't know what you mean' I say as I descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist.
Dad: Guess who's got two thumbs and
This guy
Princey:
wtf-want to fight
dtf-down to fight
af-always fighting
iagtfts-I am going to fight the sun
Me: 'You should never bottle up your emotions' I say as I kick seventeen Emotion Bottles™ under the bed
Logan: I am a huge fan of space, both outer and personal.
Me: Eyebrow game strong more like eyeBAG game strong I'm fucking exhausted haha lol
Dad: Not all heroes wear capes. Alot of them wear collars and are called dogs
Logan: I hope common sense is the next cool trend
Dad: "ohhhhhh" I say as I still don't get it
