XVII.

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 11:16 pm

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11:16 pm

I knew Steve told Dustin. That's why I need Dustin to hear my side.

As I heard Billy drive off when I was inside my house, I kick off my heels and shout, "Dustin?"

He comes out the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in his hands, I realized his hair is gelled a little too much to perfection and is still in his suit.

He pushes past me to the living room and plops down on the couch as he bitterly snaps, "Save it, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I think because you'll still do whatever you want cause you're nothing but a selfish brat. You'll still go and fuck him anyways."

In that moment I realized it's going to take a while to repair our relationship.

"Dustin please–"

"Shut the fuck up already! It's one thing from hearing about you and that monster from another person and not from you!" He verbally springs a huge blow towards me.

"Exactly! You don't know my side of the story!" I shout back, completely not meaning to because it'll just make everything worse.

"I don't need to. Because either way, you'll still run to him and not even care what he did to us." He states.


Maybe I had said the wrong words after this. But all I know is that I was tired of being blamed and lying and acting like the victim and the villain at the same time.

"I don't need your fucking validation anyways, and I always knew that. You're right because at the end of the day I will go back to him just because he hasn't given up on me yet."

The eerie sound of silence follows. The silence was so thick, not even a knife can slice it.

No one spoke, and that was that. We both knew we had went too far. Letting out a shaky sigh, I walk past him slowly to my room. Not trying to make any more noise that there has to be, I close my door with ease and let out a shaky breath, one that feels like tears are going to pour out any second. Biting my lips suppresses the urge to cry as I lazily take off my dress and switch it out for a red sweatshirt and jeans and some converse. Then I let my hair down as my mind wanders to Billy.

I know I told him I'd wear something that was worth it but for tonight I'm done. All I want to do is leave everyone I let down for a while.

And I know it's not healthy to go back out in this state where I know I'm close to a stream of tears coming down my face but this house has people who I've let down and I just don't want to disappoint anyone else other than Dustin and Steve and myself.


12:08 am

Out into the dark and twisted night, I can't help but want a reliever. A cigarette, a blunt, alcohol, whatever. But in my mind as of this moment believes that there's no point. My problems will still be here in the morning and even though I'm running from them right now I know they'll catch up to me. I could've easily left this shitty place in my car but I ran out of gas as I got home yesterday.

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