UNIVERSE / BTS.

43: lost boy / taegiseok

taehyung bit his lip hard. of course he wanted to spend time with his boyfriends, he wanted to laugh with them at a restaurant and hear yoongi's voice telling stories taehyung would listen to over and over again. he wanted that. but he didn't want to eat. he was so thin, he hadn't eaten a meal and not thrown it up in two weeks, he was doing perfectly. this would ruin it.

through gritted teeth, he answered.

"i-i'd love to, seokie."

it was all lies. but love is lies, isn't it?

taehyung wished he hadn't agreed to this. the restaurant was lovely, all high ceilings and artwork and candles, waiters swanning around in suits and high class champagne in ice. hoseok and yoongi had dressed up for the occasion, but taehyung felt underdressed in his "artistic" starry night button down and black jeans. he felt proud of his thin legs, at least. that proved he was getting somewhere.

"i love it here," yoongi sighed contentedly, somewhere around the second course. candlelight illuminated his delicate gorgeous features, a delicate cross earring dangling from his lobe. hoseok nodded and agreed. "it's so... peaceful. like, it doesn't feel like a restaurant."

taehyung nodded, silently agreeing. it was gorgeous, after all, the stars above them and gentle music playing. he just couldn't focus. he was too immersed in the amount of calories in the food he'd ordered- going for small portions and 'healthy' options- his head calculating his weight gain. it worried him.

"i-it's beautiful," he stuttered out. "l-like a place eighteenth century artists would meet at."

yoongi smiled at that, eyes bright. hoseok chuckled. "you speak so nicely, taetae," hoseok complimented, placing a bit of his dish into his mouth and swallowing. "like a true poet."

taehyung truly smiled at that, albeit it being a small one. he carefully chopped up the shrimp pasta dish- not remembering the name- and ate in small bites. he didn't see how hoseok and yoongi were noticing his odd habits. he was too caught up in himself and his depressive mind.

"i have to go to the toilet." taehyung said after dessert- his was just a coffee with hazelnut creamer-, standing up. yoongi stood too.

"i'll show you where it is." he offered. taehyung's eyes widened.

"oh, n-no, i'll find it myself!" he assured, before walking off quickly. yoongi looked at hoseok, biting hard at his lip. "i feel like he's hiding something, seokie." he confessed. hoseok sighed, not meeting yoongi's eyes.

"i know he's hiding something, yoon. we- we need to talk to him," he forced out, his voice weaker than yoongi had ever heard. "a-at home."

needless to say, the car ride hone was tense. taehyung had returned from the toilet looking more gaunt, tired, and although he smiled weakly and assured he was fine, hoseok knew the smile didn't reach his eyes. taehyung was hurting, he could see that; he was hurting the same way yoongi's step-brother seokjin had a few years ago, when he didn't tell anyone about his problems and almost committed suicide. hoseok knew yoongi would never let that sort of shit happen to taehyung; he cared about him too much for that.

yoongi inexplicably slammed the door to the apartment as he walked in behind hoseok and tae, and hoseok gulped. he could see yoongi was tense, angry even. he whispered in tae's ear for him to go change from his uncomfortable clothes- they moved his clothing into the bedroom yesterday- and he nodded. hoseok sighed once he was gone.

"yoongi- don't be too hard on him," hoseok said quietly, taking yoongi's hand. the oldest sighed heavily, eyes closed. "i know you're worried. i am too. we just gotta find out what's up. okay?"

yoongi nodded.

"taehyung!" hoseok called softly. the youngest walked out of the bedroom with an inquisitive expression, dressed in loose clothing. he always dressed like that.

"yes, hyung?" he asked, never meeting hoseok's eye.

"come to the living room, tae," yoongi said, still holding hoseok's hand. "we... need to talk."

taehyung visibly gulped, but he followed them nevertheless. he was shaking, hoseok could see, fists clenched as to control it, but it was noticeable. yoongi sat taehyung onto the sofa, leaning on the coffee table to look him in the eye.

"taehyung," his voice was soft, but there was tenseness concealed behind it. "baby, can you be totally honest with me? can you do that?"

hoseok was merely an onlooker, there to referee if needed. he knew taehyung was hurting; he just wanted his boyfriend to be happy. taehyung nodded hesitantly, biting his lip with more force than necessary.

"good," yoongi mumbled, before looking taehyung straight in the eye, concerned. "taehyung... do you have mental health problems?"

taehyung nodded again. his nonverbal affliction had taken over. yoongi's eyebrows furrowed.

"which ones, baby, can you tell me?"

he reached out and held taehyung's hand, letting him know it was okay to speak. a tear slipped down taehyung's cheek, singular, leaving a trail in it's wake.

"d-depression. an-anxiety. b-b-bulimia."

hoseok's heart shattered a little at taehyung's broken voice. yoongi's expression hardened, but then softened; he knew he had to be gentle.

"taetae, have you ever... hurt yourself?"

that's when the waterworks began to go at full speed. taehyung collapsed, fell, into yoongi's arms, and hoseok rushed forward, the three becoming a bundle of tears and comfort. taehyung choked out words, breathing too quick.

"i-i'm sorry, h-h-hyungs, i j-just wanna b-be b-beautiful, i'm s-s-sorry-" he breathed sharply, like it pained him. "i'll-i'll stop, i'll s-stop for you, h-hyungs, i s-swear."

yoongi separated the hug, taking taehyung's face in his hands. "baby," he began. "i love you. hoseokie loves you too. we're gonna help you through this, i swear. you'll be okay."

taehyung really felt like he would be.

∆

feeling like shit and listening to singularity on repeat... can't believe it took me so long to write this

i have nine tests coming up this month, guys, so updates won't be consistent. i'm sorry. nothing seems to be going right rn... at least i have singularity

- jace