Recovery | On Hiatus

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

AS WE LEFT the glass theater doors, a myriad if emotions flooded me at seeing Hayden approach us. "Can I talk to you?" he asked shortly. When I nodded, he guided me by the elbow out of earshot. "Am I taking you home tonight?"

      I bit my bottom lip. I hoped to avoid this conversation for as long as possible. If I told him I was planning to transfer my temporary-stay to Sasha's, he'd have a fit about my safety. It was sweet, and I knew his intentions were good despite his current resentment towards me, but it was still a little suffocating. He could never understand what I was going through, so I couldn't blame him for trying to help, but I wished he wouldn't get angry at me any time he couldn't keep a close eye on me. "I'm staying with Sasha tonight."

      "Oh," he muttered, that flash of vulnerability rearing it's head again before his expression hardened. "Okay."

      With that, he turned and started his way back to David's car, Laura already squeezing into Aiden's lap to make room in the back seat for Sasha and I. Sparing her the torture of watching her best friend cuddle with the guy she loves, I squished myself into the middle seat, silently cursing Hayden for taking the front.

      I felt guilty for not telling him I wasn't staying with Sasha for just tonight. I didn't know how to tell him, and truth be told, I didn't want to see the look on his face when he found out. It could very well be enough for me to pack up and come running right back, but that wasn't safe for any of us. Especially for him. Darrin could very well kill Hayden if he came after him, and I couldn't live with the guilt of killing my best friend.

      Yeah, I said it. Hayden was my best friend—always has been and always will be, no matter how angry we get at each other. We bickered all these years for a reason, all because we'd never been good at staying out of each other's lives. But, I also didn't plan to start my apology session any time soon. I wasn't ready to deal with the repercussions of shutting Hayden out, but what other choice did I have? Shutting him out hurt, but it kept him safe. Letting him in would feel better, but then I'd be putting him in danger. Although it was his choice, I couldn't live with myself knowing he'd throw himself into danger if it meant protecting me or the people he cared for. No matter the outcome, somebody would get hurt.

      I just preferred it be me than Hayden and everyone else within a fifteen foot vicinity. Being in my life was like a blind man holding a grenade and thinking the pen was still intact. You'd never know the explosion was coming until it was too late.

✦

      Moving out of Hayden's and into Sasha's had certainly taken a toll on the no-longer-existing friendship we shared. He stopped trying to piss me off in detention. He stopped talking to me in class. He avoided eye contact in the hallways. He wouldn't even sit at the lunch table anymore if I was there. Which is exactly why I was now sitting in the library, stomach trying to chew it's way out of my body from the inside. I didn't want Hayden avoiding his friends because he was afraid to come in contact with me, so reading in the library during our lunch period seemed like the best idea.

      At the time.

      Unfortunately, no matter how hungry I was, I had too much pride to march back in there looking like a kicked puppy. I'd walked out, given some shitty, unbelievable reason why, then reread the same page in a book for the fifth time because I was too hungry to actually process a word I was reading. Life was great.