The Fear Within Me

26

Sneaking through the black night has become increasingly easy for me. Twigs no longer crunch under my feet, and my eyes adjust much more easily to the lack of light. I head north, hoping to run into the crash site. I don't know what I'm expecting to come of it, but I'll admit I'm a little scared. My father is dead, Alex is dead. I'm completely on my own.

Leaves rustle somewhere behind me, and I freeze. My heart beats a thousand miles per hour; I'm certain whoever or whatever is out there can hear it. I slowly draw the knife from my waist and grip it in my sweaty palms.

More movement. I bolt into the vegetation, not bothering to look back. Fight or flight has set in, and I've chosen flight with no regrets. Adrenaline keeps me at a dead sprint for nearly a mile, but my lungs have begun to burn in protest. I slow to a walk so I can catch my breath, but as soon as my breathing has evened I start back up, heading nowhere in particular since I've just gone in the completely opposite direction of the crash.

Morning dawns slowly on me, after spending the entire night rotating between a jog and a walk. I find a tree with a hollowed trunk big enough for me to fit, and catch a few hours of shut-eye. A wake when the sun is in the middle of the sky. It's colder today than it has been in weeks, and the baggy white t-shirt is not nearly enough. I crawl out of the hollow and pick up a jog.

My focus escapes me for a moment, and I don't see the debris until I am tripping over it. I glance back angrily and realize it's a seat. An airplane seat. From our plane. All this time, I thought I had been going in the opposite direction of the crash. I'm not really sure how I got so turned around. I must have been running in circles around this damn forest. I spring to my feet and follow the trail of wreckage back to the body of the plane, which lies in the middle of a clearing caused by the crash.

Guns, I think. I don't expect much to have survived the crash. I find a handgun and some shotguns in the wreckage, but opt for the smaller of the two. I fill my pockets with as many clips as I can hold, then put as much as I can carry in the backpack. Something rustles on the opposite side of the plane. I suck in a breath, praying to God that it's a friend instead of a foe for once.

"Dad?" The word jumps out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about what I'm doing. A shiny, blue head pokes out above the jet.

Oh, God.

I can tell by the weight of the gun that it's unloaded, but I hold it out in front of me nonetheless. The thing watches me as I slowly reach into my pocket and pull out a clip, then slide it into the gun with a click. It springs above the plane as I simultaneously cock the gun and fire; the lands lifelessly on top of me, knocking the wind straight out of my chest. I take a moment to catch my breath before I push the thing's lifeless body off mine and slip out from underneath.

I climb the tallest tree I can find and look out over the valley. Civilization sprawls out before me, right in front of my face the whole time. Not the kind of civilization where people are, of course. Civilization now means resources, like cars. I feel kind of terrible for thinking that, even for being okay with it. No time now to pity the lost. I slip soundlessly down the tree and head, with new determination, towards resources.

Soft, stealthy footfalls close in around me; I dart behind a tree and pause to listen. There's more than one set, maybe even more than ten. I can't tell, but I don't stick around to find out. I scale up the same tree I had just descended, and spot at least a dozen pale blue heads on the way up. Yeah, there's definitely more than ten. Panic rises in my chest and forms a lump in my throat. I have no idea how I'll get out of this one.

I slip the backpack quietly off my shoulder, grab a few oranges, and throw them as hard as I can in the opposite direction as I intend to go. Then I string the backpack across my shoulders, take a deep breath, and leap as hard as I can to the next tree. I free fall for what seems like forever, but soon come in contact with branches and grapple at them until I regain stability. I jump trees again and again and again. The branches thin out in some places, and I nearly miss the outstretching arms once or twice. Soon I run out of trees, and my flying leaps takes me crashing to the forest floor. I don't have time to stop and consider how bad the impact hurt my feet and knees. I lose some clips out of my pack but don't stop to pick them up as I take off down an incline where, at the bottom, lies a town.

Fear is the only thing I can comprehend; the adrenaline from it keeps me going, but I fear it will also impair my decision-making. If I do not let my fear go, I'm as good as dead.

Let it go, I tell myself. Dying after all I'd been through seems like such a waste, though as scared as I am of dying, I'm more scared of the idea of Billy dying at the hands of these sons of bitches.

Thinking of my family helps me slow my panic just enough to come up with a plan, but also makes me realize the presence of the Halos behind me. They are close, and they are plenty. The first multi-story building in sight, I enter and climb the stairs. My lungs should burn and my legs should be jelly, but I feel nothing but fright.

I find the door marked Roof and burst through it to see Halos approaching at a dead sprint. I pick them off as best I can, but only hit every other, if that. Though I'm not the best shot, I know the fear within me is what's holding me back.

"Come on," I say aloud. Alex's words voice themselves in my head. Keep your eyes on your target until it's hit. Exhale before you pull the trigger.

I do as the voice says, and hit the Halo directly in the heart. A maniacal smile creeps across my face as I pull the trigger again, and hit another. I do this until the clip is empty, and again until the whole next one is. Still ten or so remain, though ten is much more manageable than 30-some. The remaining enter the building on which I am perched, and I can hear them grunting as they climb the stairs. For a moment, I consider barricading the door, but think better of it due to the Halos super-human strength.

I have to ignore my intense fear of heights as I sprint without hesitation towards the ledge. I land on the hood of a yellow Jeep Cherokee, causing its windshield to crack, then bounce into the street. Nothing feels broken or bloody, which is good, but my body hurts something fierce. I know I have a matter of 10 seconds to find a car as I run down the street, checking each car for keys. Of course, the first with keys I find is a stick shift. I don't have time to find another, so I climb in and start the thing. It coughs to life after a few tries. As I shift into first, a Halo lands on a car a ways down the road. I pull out, pick up speed, and shift to second. By the time I speed past the things, I am in fourth gear going 50. They take off after me, but by then the sign for the highway has already come into view and the Halos are nothing but little blue specks in my rearview mirror.