Noctura

twenty three

He giggles. "Fine, I'll go to bed. But you can't leave too early because I still don't know you."

"Okay, Nephi," I respond.

He heads out the door, wishing me goodnight.

I wish him the same and then he's gone, down the hall into his own bedroom.

I look down at my hands in my lap. I wish I could tell Nephi about me. He wants to know me. But I don't even know myself.

It's hard. It's hard knowing I'm in this body and I have to do certain things to live but not remembering it before.

It just doesn't feel right.

But I guess that's what memory loss does to you.

I head out of the small room and down the hallway, toward the showers. It's pretty late, so no one is in there as I grab a towel and pick a shower stall.

I carefully take my clothes off and turn the shower on pretty hot. I step under the water and let it wash over my body.

As I shower, I close my eyes and try to remember something. But all I can remember is that dog that ran up to me as I was reading something.

What was I reading?

I don't recall what the book looked like, only that it was large and thick. My guess is that it was a textbook of some sort. Maybe I was studying for a test. I was probably going to school.

What was the scenery like?

I was sitting in grass, but the grass wasn't green and lush. It was browning. The skies were dark and cloudy like they are now.

What happened?

There was a golden retriever in front of me, rolling onto its back. I reached out and rubbed its belly before the owner called it away.

What's the significance?

I don't know. I don't know what any of that means. I don't know why, out of all things, I would suddenly remember petting a golden retriever while sitting in the grass, reading some kind of textbook.

Why wouldn't I remember a Noctura? Or feeding? Or anything that has more significance to my life?

They could be random. The memories could just be random memories that get triggered. Maybe significant ones don't get triggered.

I don't know. I don't know why it happens.

Honestly, I don't really know a whole lot.

I take a deep breath, rinsing my hair.

My name is Kim Jinwoo. I'm a male. I woke up on a train with no memory of my past. I was taken to different cells until a woman finally took me to a warehouse. In that warehouse, I fought and killed a Noctura. The warehouse burned down but I got out alive and was saved by Minho. Minho saved my life once again when he forced me to eat and realize I am a Noctura. There was a house search so a man named Yoon took me to a safe house for Nocturas because he's part of the Alliance. Now, I'm sitting in the safe house, waiting for Yoon and Minho to get here.

I do know some things.

When I'm finished showering, I turn the water off and step out. I dry off and then throw my clothes back on. I hang my towel on one of the hooks in the bathroom and then step out into the hallway.

I head back toward my room. My footsteps are heavy. I'm tired.

I'm tired of not knowing anything about myself. I'm tired of being confused about who I am. I'm tired of having to live in fear of people. I'm tired of running and hiding.

I get into my room and lie down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

If I was a student, I wonder what I was studying. I wonder what I was going to school for.

It must've been nice to be able to live freely and go to school, even as a Noctura. I guess I figured out how to live as normal as I could, just like Minho.

But I wonder what I did when I had to feed. Did I have a specific place to go to? Did I choose people carefully? Or did I just eat whatever I needed to when I needed to?

It's just strange that I don't remember anything about being a Noctura.

Why did I think I was human?

I sit up in the bed and look down at the sheets beneath me. I put my hands out in front of me, palms up.

My eyes travel up my left arm. The bandage is gone; the burn marks are gone. The burns are gone all over my body. I've miraculously healed.

But I guess it isn't so miraculous.

That's what Nocturas do, right? We heal faster than humans.

I look up and see the white wall in front of me.

I stare at it for a long moment, narrowing my eyes, feeling something tingling at the back of my head.

White walls. I've seen white walls before. Stared at them for hours.

But why?

I shake my head, trying to clear it. I close my eyes and think hard about the white walls.

But I can't remember anything else.

White walls...

What's the significance of white walls?

Why would I be familiar with staring at white walls for such a long time?

Suddenly, I feel a slight sting in my right arm, on the inside of my elbow.

I look over at it but there's nothing there. Nothing's wrong with it.

My eyes narrow.

What's happening to me?

"Jinwoo."

I quickly jerk to my left and see Yoon and Minho standing in the doorway. Their clothes and hair are wet. It must be raining outside.

Minho's eyes are full of concern. Yoon's eyes are sharp.

"Minho," I say.

"Jinwoo," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I answer. "I'm fine. Is it raining outside?"

He doesn't answer because Yoon steps forward and speaks instead. "Jinwoo, I think I need to tell you something. It's very important. And Minho needs to hear it too."

I give him a confused look then give the same look to Minho.

"It's very important," Yoon says again.

I look straight into Yoon's eyes.

"What's it about?" My voice is a whisper.

"Your memory loss," Yoon says.

I swallow nervously.

"And your past."