The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality

Masturbation Interview

Interview by Annie Grainger with Sarah Forbes-Roberts from Come As You Are , a co-operatively owned healthy sexuality store in Toronto

 Masturbation is an important part of developing your sexuality. As children, touching and playing with your body and vagina is normal. As we grow older, some of us may learn from parents, school, and religion that masturbating is not OK. By the time most people become teenagers, they think that masturbation is bad.

Masturbation is actually normal and healthy. It helps us to under- stand our own bodies and what make us feel good. Knowing how to give ourselves sexual pleasure brings us freedom. When we enter a relationship, we are not dependent on our partners to satisfy us. We know more about our own bodies, how they work, and what turns us on.

Q: HOW DO YOU MASTURBATE?

A: If you have never tried masturbating, you may feel awkward, self conscious, or maybe a bit scared. Find a quiet place where you can be by yourself. Rub your body with cream or oil or something that feels good. Explore your body, touch yourself in different ways. If you want, think about people and situations that turn you on.

There are many different ways you can masturbate, by rubbing your clitoris with wet fingers, for example. Try different positions or speeds. Some women cross their legs and move muscles around to put pressure on the entire vagina and labia, others may insert something into their vagina, such as a finger or a dildo. Some women rub their breasts. Some use a pillow between their legs or a shower massager. 

Q: WHY WOULD SOMEONE MASTURBATE WHEN THEY COULD HAVE SEX?

A. I think having sex with someone else is very different than masturbating alone. It's all about learning about your own body and being alone when you masturbate. Having sex is so often about the other person; masturbating is all about you.

Q: WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO MASTURBATE?

A: I think the biggest thing is learning about your body and how you respond to different sexual stimuli. Masturbating by yourself is ultimately the safest place you can be sexual. Even though nobody's talking about doing it, lots of people are doing it. It is my personal belief that masturbating is really good for you and for your self-esteem—being with yourself, enjoying yourself.

Q: WHY ARE PEOPLE ASHAMED OF MASTURBATING?

A: I think that's changing, definitely more people are talking about it. I think people are ashamed of it because for a long time it was something you didn't do, it was not something talked about, and it was not taught in sex education. Also there's the fact that certain religions believe and teach that it is something to be ashamed of.

Q: DO AS MANY GIRLS MASTURBATE AS BOYS?

A: I think a lot of boys start earlier because they're not told they shouldn't masturbate. Whereas with women, it is considered something you don't really talk about. There are so many slang terms for male masturbation and so few for female masturbation. I think a lot of boys do it younger. There are lots of young women who do it too, but you will find there are some women who are in their twenties and haven't masturbated. I think with women it's a longer journey to figure out their sex and their sexuality.

Q: WHY IS IT MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE FOR BOYS TO MASTURBATE THAN FOR GIRLS?

A: I think it's because boys are not subjected to the same kind of notions about virginity and the need to be pure.

Q: IF YOU MASTURBATE WITH A DILDO DOES IT MEAN YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN?

A: A lot of people have different views of what virginity is. I think that most people think that until you're with someone else, you're a virgin, whether you masturbate or not. Medically, if there is a hymen intact, then you are supposed to be a virgin, but the thing is a lot of people can break their hymen in non-sexual ways, like bike riding or horseback riding. Therefore, having a hymen does not define virginity. So it's kind of a vague notion and people have different ideas about what virginity is.

Q: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE HAVING AN ORGASM WHEN YOU ARE MASTURBATING?

A: It takes time to figure it out. That was my experience masturbating when I was young. But eventually you know. You feel an incredible body buzz and you feel it go through your body. And there are lots of different kinds of orgasms, and even if you don't have one, you can still have a good time.