The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality

Out, Gay, and Seventeen

Interview by Annie Gainger with an anonymous youth

Q. When did you know you were gay?
A. Well, I guess deep down I always knew since I was a kid and playing doctor with my girlfriends. But in grade eight I started to go out more and explore Toronto and meet people. Quickly I learned about this thing called “the lesbian community”. I was intrigued. I didn’t officially come out to myself until a year ago. But I always knew.

Q. What is different about your life compared to a heterosexual person’s?

A. A lot is different and a lot is the same. I fall in love with girls, not boys. I want to live in a community where I am supported and where there are other girls who have similar lives so I don’t feel isolated. There are many differences in terms of the oppression I will have to deal with and media images of gay youth and ... I could go on and on; I guess the main thing is I fall in love with girls.

Q. Does your family know?
A. Yes, they do now. I think my mom wasn’t surprised but my dad and sister were. They are great though: supportive and understanding. I guess they were worried I would really change and be a different per- son but quickly they realized that was not the case. I am rare. Most of my friends who are gay have not told their parents for fear of being rejected or kicked out. I am really, really lucky. I got my mom involved in PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays—see resource guide) and they helped my parents to deal with it all and provided them with a ton of support.

Q. What did your friends say?
A. I lost a lot of them. I changed schools. I told my two best friends and I thought they would be cool and, well, I was wrong. They told half the school and I was harassed by a number of guys until I left the school. I learned a lot about trust and what real friendship means. It was horrible actually, and I didn’t really get a lot of support from my friends. But, hey, my family was great and now I am in a better place. Teachers should all have to have anti-homophobia training.

Q. Why do you think some people have such a hard time with gay people?
A. I think we are all influenced by parents, TV, and schools. A lot of adults are homophobic and teach it to their kids. Girls seem to get freaked out by gay girls because they worry that the gay girls will come on to them or that they may also be gay. I think some guys are freaked out because gay girls make them feel they don’t have power in the way they expect or because it feels like a rejection. There is that thing of it being OK for girls to be gay if guys can watch. Well, that’s mostly about immaturity. I think it’s all about fear and ignorance. It’s really sad actually, because they only limit themselves.

Q. How can straight youth be more supportive towards gay youth?
A. Well, it’s hard because it should start with their parents, the school system, the media and so on. People can learn and be open minded, to step outside of themselves and not be so self-involved. They also have to realize that just ’cause their friend is gay they are still the same person. So many people think if you are gay, you want to sleep with everyone. Well, that’s not the case! Educate yourself and grow up!

Q. What are some words of advice for other queer youth?
A. I guess make sure you can trust the people you tell. Get involved in a group for queer youth then you will know for sure you have people who will understand what you are going through. And have fun! Coming out is not the end of the world!