Namjin oneshots // a series

26-//"tear"

idrk what this is haha

im pretty much just writing out my feelings that ive been keeping in for too long lol

i also recommend listening to this song while reading^^

it fits well and is an amazing song in general

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It's strange how love goes through phases, times in a certain persons life that shape and mold who they really are. Who knew the one thing to bring out your true self was another human being. A person who has never experienced love however, could never come to understand the strong emotion that we call that one simple word. You could never comprehend heartbreak unless you have experienced it first-hand, that crumbling feeling of your heart shattering, your world falling apart. It's something that many people experience, unfortunately. Too many people have to feel the pain in their chests when the person they love is just out of reach. 

This doesn't just apply to a boyfriend or girlfriend, a husband or wife, a partner. It includes other people in one's life as well, like friends, family, or people you look up to. Heartbreak is the same feeling as when a friend starts to drift away, or when a family members looks down to you for something you did, or for someone you are. For someone who has never gone through that experience, it's something hard to explain. It's as if someone you believed was truly loyal to you, someone you loved, and who you thought loved you, stabs you in the chest with the sharpest knife they can get, twisting it as it's still plunged into your body, smiling as they watch the blood pour out of you. But all you can do is stare, tears filling your eyes as you watch them enjoy your pain, watch them forget about you, watch them find someone who is better in every way. That is heart break, the feeling as if all of the muscles in that oh-so significant muscles were tearing slowly, torturing you from the inside out as you can only watch and wait, wait for it to stop, wait for the pain to end.

But sometimes the pain never goes away. There is such a thing as a death from a broken heart, when the pattern of blood flowing into your heart is different then before, leading the organ to either overwork itself, or not work itself enough, leading in a heart attack. And even if you can block out the pain of your heart beating in your rib cage, there will still always be the reminder of the pain you feel. If it's a certain person or object, or maybe your own actions that remind you of the mental pain, it creates a hole in your heart, a hole that is impossible to fill. Some things can replace the large hole, but only temporarily, until those thoughts from the back of your mind start to creep back up into your head. If the hole can be filled for long enough, the pain can be decreased.

But the thoughts in a person's mind can never go away. A broken heart can never be cured.

A person can distract themselves from the pain, however. Like the music blaring from the headphones a person would where, drowning out the sound of the voices in you head, the sound of your heart beating. Or the beautiful, bright colors that would come from the tip of a paintbrush, one stroke of the tool blinding your eyes enough to forget about the pain.

For Jin, it was the beach. The feeling of the sand between his toes as the sand stuck to his heels, the cooling of the ocean water on his ankles, the soft wind blowing his hair in every direction, that was what distracted him from his broken heart. When he told his parents that he was gay, the conversation didn't go well. His mother sobbed uncontrollably, stating that she was the reason her son turned out like this, she was the reason her son was a "disgusting monster to society". His father blamed him for his mother's hardships, threatening to kill the young boy, who was only twelve at the time, if he didn't leave the house immediately. He didn't even have time to take his stuff with him, his father literally throwing him out of the house. A few days later, he was found on the side of the road, cold, hungry, and with a broken heart.