Terrestrial Alien ✔

Chapter 23: From the Other Side of a Fence

Instead, Ethan smiles. He says: "Thanks for showing up."

And that's it. I can only look at him for the longest time, unable to comprehend him not having anything else to say. That's it? I try not to look startled by the greeting, but obviously it shows, because Ethan laughs at me.

"Oh, what did you expect me to say?" He says between snorts, "'You shouldn't have come'? Lighten up, buddy. It's not the end of the world. You may be acting weird, but I can still be glad you came to see my game, right?"

"R..right." I respond rather hoarsely after a moment, and I clear my throat. "Right, sorry. I just... Yeah."

God, Joshua, shut up. I curse to myself. Do you want him to ask you questions?

Somehow, I kind of think I do. It's better than the anxiety that comes with not knowing what he's thinking.

I can feel Ethan starting to scrutinize me after a moment of quiet, and still I bite my tongue. I don't really know what to say, and I know eventually Ethan's going to end up asking about what he saw at the rain-out the other day, regardless of what I do.

An awkward silence falls over the two of us, one that's probably my fault, and I'm sure it's thick enough that even Ethan's teammates could see it from across the field, if they looked. I glance to Ethan. He glances to me, and I can see his jaw working in thought. I glance away. Here it comes...

Ethan still doesn't say anything. Instead, he looks at my half-eaten apple, then back to me. Raising his eyebrows, he points at it in a silent question, taking me off-guard. I don't really care for the apple, so I toss it to him. He smiles as he takes a bite.

More silence follows, and I find myself suffocating again, but in a different way than when I was at home with Shari and Dad. Too many people... Too many different ways to drown. I can hear Ethan chewing.

Finally, after swallowing, Ethan speaks up. "Y'know," he says, "I know there's something strange going on here."

My heart leaps into my throat, and I shoot him a look.

He has his brows knotted a bit, but he laughs. "Don't look at me like me like that, all surprised and startled; I'm not dumb, Joshua. I know it's something... really strange, and—don't lie to me and tell me you're okay, because I can tell you're not, and—" He stops and sighs, looking me in the eye. "I can tell you don't want to talk about it still, and even though I really... really, really, really, really, really—"

"Ethan." I say, resting my head in my hands.

"Yeah. Okay. Even though I really want to know, I'm not gonna push you. At least not yet. Okay?"

I glance to him between my fingers, and Ethan smiles at me. Somehow it looks a little sad. He looks away from me after, taking another bite of his second-hand apple.

He's not going to push me. Relief washes over me.

Ethan must feel so left out. He's my best friend, and yet I won't talk to him about it. I understand now that that must be sort of hurtful to him, and still he's giving me the benefit of the doubt. He's not making me talk about it yet, not when I'm not ready, and I find something in my chest feels heavy at the thought. A sort of happy-sadness that makes me want to hug him. Makes me want to hold on to him and tell him that I trust him, and that I want to tell him.

Soon, I'll tell him soon. Not yet. But soon.

I find a dumb little smile pulling at my lips as a I look at him. I'm just... so grateful. I can see his burning curiosity in the way he sits, fidgeting, finishing off the apple, and still he's putting that aside to give me the space I didn't even tell him I need.