As I Awake.

The Story Of My Life.

He stared at me. In wonder. He face went from curious to sad and depressed. My tears were about to spill over like a drain that hasn't been turned on in a long time. I curled up in a ball and started to sob. I couldn't stop. My shoulders shook, my mouth made noises even I can't explain. I just broke down after so many years. I'm just 14 but all the things I went through were breaking me down to pieces. I thought I was strong, I thought I could handle it. I never had nobody. Nobody was never there for me, that cared. They never did. I've felt so alone for so long but I never cried. I held everything in.

I felt somebody left me up into a hug. Jason. The person who was caring for me. The one that's trying to confront me. For the first time I allowed somebody to hug and confront me. I was now on his lap, with his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. I sobbed into his chest, which thank god wasn't as hard as his back. I cried for what seemed like a hour. Finally I looked up at him, into his eyes. He stared back into my eyes. I signed. I left myself off his lap and sit next to him.

"Are you ready to talk now? Whenever your ready you can begin."he says.

His voice is so smoothing. So calm and confronting. I reached out with my hand searching for his hand. He found mines and took it holding it tight. Now I know he isn't going to betray me like all the others before him. Sign. I look down at my toes. I pulled up my knees to my chest and begun my story.

"When I was born, my mom died. She knew that if she had me she would die, but she insisted on having me. My dad wasn't very nice. He was......abusive. Even if I was 1 years old and I didn't do something he liked he would whoop me. Then when I could talk, walk, run, and everything else, things begun to change. I was 7 years old when it happened. I was done. I couldn't take it no more. I ran as far as I could go. This stranger, a man. He was nice and at that age I didn't know what to do so I went home with him. That was my mistake. I shouldn't have done it. It was terrible..." I could feel myself starting to tremble at just the memory of it. Jason put his hand on my shoulder. 

"You don't have to continue..I understand.", he says.

"No, I'm going to tell you." I say. I could feel it. Me and Jason was connected by someway I don't even know. He was already making me want to tell him the story. I look up at him and all I saw in his face was concern and worry. I felt tears trying to come back up. One rolled down my check, he moved his finger and wiped the tear away before it fell. I continued my story.

"Like I said, it was terrible. I thought he was nice. He wasn't, he was just trying to linger in a hopeless and desperate child. He had took me inside and gave me some tea. I drunk it thinking everything was fine. I could start a new life. A do over. Well that wasn't what that man was planning. His thoughts were just the opposite. My drunk was drugged with sleep. I fell instantly into a deep deep sleep. Then I saw the red. The bright red. My body was burning. My throat was dry and thirsty. I woke up on the sidewalk. In front of my house. Where I saw my dad walking out toward me. The man behind him followed him. He picked me up and threw me. Literally threw me at the door. I flew at his strength. My back slammed against the door so hard blood came out my mouth. I stared at my dad in horror. This man he was trying to kill me. The way he was looking at me. He said "You have pissed me off for the last time, you little rotten piece of shit. You ain't nothing but shit. I'm going to drag you down to hell when I'm done with you! You have ruined my life too much little devil!" 

I saw Jason flinch at my dad's words. Now I was really trembling I couldn't stop, thinking back, remembering what I did. I was trembling so hard it felt like the ground was crumbling. Jason took me into his arms again. I gripped his shirt and buried my head into his soft warm chest. I continued My story.

"I was feeling with so much rage and sadness that I started to watch him die, by my hands. That's what happened to. I killed him. The man that had followed him out had went to the police. Those man that was just here, was from some agency that's after me now. They want to kill me. They say there's no 7 year old who could kill a grown man that had a gun. There's no way. I was called freaks and monsters. The mom I have now...she adopted me. She doesn't believe what they say. My step brother that's not even blood to me loves me so much. Even then I thought I was still alone. Helpless. So I closed up my heart. Didn't let anything phrase me or let words go in too deep that they could leave a scar. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. So I learned how to fight. I didn't need friends or people who cared I had myself is what I would tell myself. But you...your different. Somehow I don't know but you is different. That's all I'm saying....."

He looked down at me with so much sadness in his eyes it looked like he was one who went through that. Then before I knew it. 

Everything went black.