{ Harry's POV }
“So how are things going, bro?” Louis asks. It’s the first time I’ve seen him, or anyone other than Avery and my mum, since before the… incident.
I laugh at his question. “Look around, Lou. I’ve been living in this place for three weeks now and it sucks.”
“Well besides the depressing rooms, how are you doing?” His question holds a hint of humor, but he and I both know he is really curious. He’s wondering if I’m still thinking about killing myself, he’s wondering if I’m crazy.
Everyone asks me that question, how are you doing? I never know how to answer. I’m better; much better in fact. I never thought I had a ‘problem’ before coming in here and talking to all of the therapists and doctors, but now I see where I’ve gone wrong in the past months. I feel guilty for how I acted towards Avery. I know she blames herself for what I did, and I also feel guilty for that.
But I’m better now, and that’s the truth. However, I still feel anxious, I’m still itching to get out of this nut house and return to my normal life. Avery had broken up with me when I moved in here, telling me I should focus on myself, and I suppose it helped. But I still think about her every minute of the day. My thoughts are less severe, and the therapy has helped with my dependency on her, but I need to get back to her and prove that I’ve changed; that I’m ready to be the guy she deserves.
“Better,” I reply simply and honestly. I begin speaking again, but stop myself and shake my head.
“What?” Louis asks.
“It’s nothing.”
“Come on, man.” Louis knows I’ve got something on my mind.
“It’s just a little embarrassing,” I shake my head, dismissing the thought.
“What is embarrassing?”
“That I’m here. That I have to be in rehab after I tried to kill myself because my girlfriend left me.”
“Harry…”
“No, I know that’s what everyone thinks. I’m pathetic. I know that.”
“No one thinks that, Haz. You had a moment of weakness, and you’re getting help. Everyone is just glad you’re okay and getting help. Trust me, no one thinks you’re pathetic. So you need to stop thinking that about yourself.”
I nod my head, pretending to agree with him, but really, I just want to stop talking about it. He’s right, I’m not pathetic, but I’m still sick. I’ve tried to kill myself when things got too hard; I’m weak. Louis’ right again when he says all that matters is that I’m getting help, and I can’t argue with that. Even I have seen progress in myself. I know the reason I’m in here is ultimately Avery (because of my dependency on her), but I feel the only thing that will help me the most is getting out of here and proving to her that we can be together without me being obsessive or controlling.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but what are you gonna do about school?” Louis breaks me from my thoughts. “You’ve missed over a month… Are you still gonna graduate on time?”
I groan just thinking about it. “Nah, but they’re letting me finish up my credits online so I can still go to college next year.”
“That’s good. Kind of a drag though,” he laughs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that..”
“It’s fine, Lou. I know. This whole situation is fucked up, and I know that. I’m just trying to get out of this place and get back to my life.”
“Well good for you, man. You’re different now, you know that? In a good way obviously. I mean, we all noticed you changed when Avery moved here, and even though it landed you in here, I think it was a good change. When things were good with you guys, you were the happiest I’ve ever seen you. Get back to that man, don’t let her get away. Just because things got bad and it came down to this, doesn’t mean you can’t get back to the good. I’m rooting for ya, Haz, we all are.”
My heart clenches at Louis’ words. God, I’ve become an emotional son of a bitch since being here. “Thanks Louis… I appreciate that, and I’m trying, I really am.” My eyes drift over to the clock hanging on the wall.
“Well that’s all I can ask then, that you’re working on yourself… Is everything all right?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry.”
Louis eyes me as I begin to pick at the skin around my nails. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” I shake my head. Louis gives me the I-know-that’s-bullshit look. “Avery’s usually here everyday before five… It’s already 5:30.”
“Maybe she got caught up in school work or something, Haz, don’t sweat it.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Well, I should get going anyway. I don’t want to interrupt your Avery time.” He grins.
“It’s not like that,” I snap. “We’re just friends right now,” As much as that kills me.
“I know, chill. Things will work out, bro. Just give it time.”
**
I walk Louis out and wait by the doors for an hour after he leaves, hoping that Avery is just late. By seven, I decide she’s not coming and head back up to my cold, lonely room. God I miss the nights of sharing a bed with her.
I pull out my journal, well the black composition notebook that they gave me to write down my feelings in each day, and write to Avery. I know she’ll never see it, but it helps to let it out. I tell her how I’m doing better, how I can’t wait to see her again, how much I miss the way things used to be… I tell her I’m sorry for the way things happened… I tell her not to blame herself for any of it.
I tell her I love her. I tell her that I’ve never stopped; that I never will.
YOU ARE READING
Can't Remember To Forget You
Fanfiction* * * * * * COMPLETED * * * * * * We laid together in silence, Harry running his fingers through my hair, me tracing the ink scattering his chest and abdomen. I could lay here forever... At least until my mind starts running wild. "What is this to y...
