How to Say Thank You

11. Beaches and Goodbyes

As I face the next morning I have sadness in my heart. Today is the day that Luke and the boys are flying back to Australia, and I couldn't be more upset. Even though I am mentally breaking down at the though of nightmares returning, I decide that I have to mask it all today, at least until they are gone. I don't know how hard it is for Luke to leave, if at all, but I don't want to make him feel guilty or anything because of me. 

I roll over in the bed to see him still sleeping, and I reach up again to play with his face. It's just so squishy and cute and I love it. I find myself doing it often, I don't even know why, but I'm glad Luke is somewhat of a heavy sleeper. I trail my fingers around his lips and then up his jaw, then back down again. His skin is warm and soft against my fingers, forehead even a bit sweaty. He shivers in his sleep when my hands go down his neck and to his bare chest, under the blankets. I wiggle one of my arms under him and hug him tightly, pressing my forehead to his. 

"My nightmares are going to come back," I whisper, even though he is sleeping. "I can't sleep without you, I don't want you to leave." I feel a tear escape my eye and trail down my face and onto the bed beneath me. 

"I wish I could stay," he mumbles as he wraps his arms around me, now awake. I look up and him and give a fake smile, he returns with a sad smile. "But you will come visit me before you know it. We are going on tour with One Direction for a bit during the summer, maybe you and Adam could tag along." 

I thought about that for a moment. What would it be like to go on tour with them and One Direction? I used to be a major fan of One Direction. During their "fetus" days I was probably your typical fangirl, blog and everything. I wonder if I still remember the password to that Instagram account . . . 

Wait, how do I even remember having the account? There wasn't any music or anything . . . 

"What do you say?" Luke's voice called me out of my puzzlement. 

"What did you say?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes and smiled before looking down at me again and kissing my forehead. 

"I said do you think your parents would let you do that?" he repeated. 

"Yeah I think so, not like she really cares, especially considering I'm about to be seventeen," I answered him. "She doesn't care about anything that we do." As soon as I said that Luke sat straight up. He put his hands firmly on both of my shoulders and pierced my blue eyes with his own. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that your mum cares so much for you?" he asked me. "She does, she may not be the best at showing it, but she loves you Ryleigh, her and your father both do." I didn't say anything, just stared at him. "I don't understand why you don't get that, darling." 

"Because as soon as my "sickness" died down a bit, she stopped caring. She stopped asking about me, she stopped driving me to my therapy sessions, she didn't even help me straighted things out with the office at school when I was finally able to return!" I hadn't realized my voice was raised. 

"Ryleigh, you need to calm down." I stared at him for a moment, a little irritated that he would say that to me cosidering he has stayed in my house for quite a few days and has probably spoke to my mother an average of twice a day and yet he thinks she cares so much for me. 

"Yeah you're right, Luke, she's a suffocating mother because she is just always there for me." I get up angrily and walk to my closet. 

"Ryleigh," Luke beckons. I roll my eyes, my back to him, and look through my closet for something to wear. I feel Luke's arms around me from behind, and I almost shrug him off until she presses his soft lips to my neck.