The Day You Passed {BTS}

JUNGKOOK

Two months after y/n passed...

At some point I stopped crying. I can't even remember when but I did, it all just stopped. I was left with the feeling of emptiness and sadness filling my whole body. It was like my body was filled with bricks. My chest was so heavy and each day it got tougher to keep myself from giving up. Everyday more bricks just piled up inside of me and I couldn't get rid of them. I just laid in bed all day looking up at the white ceiling with a head full of thoughts.

I had left the dorm a month ago since no one was really home anyways. All the boys had gone their separate ways. To be honest I don't even know where the other boys are or what they're doing. All I know is that I've rented out an apartment in the city and that I haven't gone back to do any practice or anything in two months. The entertainment hasn't reached out to us yet to tell us to come back yet. They are probably just giving us the time to heal before we get back to normal, if that ever happens again.

I feel kind of bad for our fans. They're probably worried. We haven't done any concerts or been in the public at all but right now I just need to be alone and let the thoughts take control over my head, least for a little while longer.

I'm scared that loosing y/n means losing my friends. The other boys are all that I have but I haven't really noticed that I'm alone. I've been so consumed with thoughts all day long that I feel like I'm always talking for someone.

I can still remember y/n's words in the message she/he sent us like I heard them yesterday. Y/n knew I goin to hurt when she/he passed but she/he told me there wasn't anything I could have done. But there was something I could have done. I could have been there when y/n passed or when her illness was at the worst point. Y/n was always so strong on her/his own and y/n always thought that everything she/he went trough was something that she/he had to go trough alone. But that's not the case. It's ok to say that it's not ok. It's ok to ask for support and for someone to hold your hand when you need it. I didn't know that y/n was this ill. I didn't know she/he was about to pass. I just wish y/n had told us or just me. I just wanted to be there for y/n the way y/n was always there for me.

There wasn't a problem y/n couldn't solve or a bad day y/n couldn't make better. There was always a solution for everything in y/n's eyes, but there wasn't a solution for y/n's illness in this case and that made me mad at the world. It wasn't y/n fault she/he got sick so why did it happen.

Before y/n got sick she/he was full of life and happiness. Life was bright and y/n was scared of the future but also excited for the unknown like y/n always explained. But after y/n got sick it was almost like her/his sickness was a dark cloud that always hung over her/his head. She/he was more quiet after the sickness came. Y/n didn't want to do all the things that used to excite her/him. It was almost like the more the sickness came to light the more of y/n we lost. We all saw it but we didn't know what to do about it or how to even talk about it.

If I could take the sickness away and let me have it instead I would. There isn't another persons I would want to live a full and exciting life then y/n, even if she/he had to see me die for that to happen.

Y/n I'm sorry please forgive me for not being able to save you!

A/N
I'm writing for dear life over here to get two chapters out today 😂 hope you enjoyed! (Remember to vote!)