The Day You Passed {BTS}

JIMIN

A week after y/n passed...

I had left the dorm, Hoseok and everything else. It was too much being in that room, dorm and building. It all reminded me of y/n and I couldn't take it. I didn't want to see the boys either, they also reminded me of y/n and right now I just wish I could forget everything.

I hadn't cried at all. It wasn't like I wasn't sad it was more that I felt like I had a lump in my throat and it kept me from crying. I did feel a kind of sad more than that I felt so empty but also felt like my whole body was filled with sadness. There was just a constant feeling of sadness that I couldn't get rid off, if I could just cry maybe it would leave but I wasn't able to do that either.

I had rented a hotel room an hour away from where our dorm was. I just needed to get away from everything that could remind me of y/n. I just wanted to run and run until my legs couldn't hold me up anymore but where would I even go? No matter where I would run to y/n wasn't there so was it even worth it.

I laid in the double bed in my hotel room with a mind that stayed only on y/n no matter what I did. I couldn't do anything no matter what I did y/n was gone. Just the thought of not being able to help or do anything made me feel so hopeless and powerless and that only made me feel even worse about this whole day and week and probably year. Everything just seemed so much more worthless without y/n.

I had ran away from the boys, the people working for me and the boys. I had ran away from my dorm and my responsibilities in BTS and for the first time I didn't feel guilty about it. I needed it. Right now the only thing I knew how to do right was to run away from everything I knew.

It was almost a reflex to try to pick up the phone and call y/n but I couldn't do that now and I would never be able to. It was almost like I hadn't realized the fact that y/n was gone, like there was another reason that I was so sad that didn't involve y/n being gone, and I wished it was like that. I wish I could just call y/n and tell her/him that I'm not ok and that I need to talk to someone, but now I don't have anyone to talk to.

Maybe I should have talked to Hoseok. We lived only with a wall between us but right now everyone seemed so fragile. If I knew him right he had probably not stopped crying and that hurt me to think of, but I didn't cry at all. What if they thought I was reaching wrong, I wasn't I just couldn't cry but I still felt pain. I was just scared that I would mess up something and that I would end up loosing another friend or all of my friends. I didn't know how they were handling all of this and I don't think that I'm even ready to talk about y/n. And I'm definitely not ready to put any words to how I'm feeling, mostly because I'm not sure what I'm feeling or what to do with what I'm feeling. One day I will have to face all of this but I'm going to avoid it for as long as I can since I know that it will be the thing that hurts the most. I don't want to talk about y/n as she/he is gone. I want to pretend y/n is only a phone call away, not that we're more than worlds apart. It will hurt too much to let that thought sink in. Instead I want to keep my mind occupied with the thought that y/n is still out there and only looking for a place to rest, just like me.

A/N
I'm trying to get different feelings in here on how they all can react when someone passes away and I hope it's not boring to read 😅💕