Oblivious (WolfStar) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 5

It was not a good day for Remus Lupin. Nothing bad had happened, but he had been feeling rather sad since the moment he woke up. Well, not necessarily sad, more overwhelmed, by lots of different things.

One was, of course, his Lycanthropy, then he had his nightmares, the fact that he would be responsible if his friends got caught for being Animagi, despite what Sirius said, and the most notable being the fact that he had recently discovered his love for Sirius Black.

All of these things gave Remus and overwhelming feeling of sadness. Because of this, he'd decided to tell his friends that he would not be joining them in the Great Hall for dinner that night. Instead, he was going to their dorm to study. He had managed to convince Sirius that this was the truth, although he had a nagging feeling that Sirius didn't really believe him.

Despite that, he headed up to his dorm and reached into his bedside table, pulling out a pencil sharpener. He didn't really know any other way to break it open, so he put it on the ground and jumped on it, cracking the plastic as he did. He was glad that he actually had a pencil sharpener in his possession considering it was a muggle object. He bent down and picked up the shattered plastic, removing the blade. He threw the broken plastic away and kept hold of the blade.

He sat on his bed and slowly rolled up his sleeves. He lowered the blade so it was touching his skin, took a deep breath, and allowed the blade to slice through his arm. He had to admit, it did sting a little but he also felt relief. This was something that he could control. Unlike his Lycanthropy or his love for Sirius.

The next thing he knew, he had ten cuts on each arm, the ones on his right arm slightly more ragged because he was right handed. Once the bleeding had stopped he rolled his sleeves down and actually did some studying.

This went on for a few weeks, and Sirius was sure that something was wrong with his best friend. Remus usually told him everything with a bit of persuading but, with this, he wouldn't budge. He made the decision to, once again, ask him what was wrong.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, rather hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? You've been acting kind of off, lately," Sirius' voice was full of concern.

Remus looked terrified for a second, before he covered it up and replied to Sirius.

"I'm fine Pads, just tired."

Sirius knew that this was definitely a lie. He didn't know what to do, he would have to wait until Remus came to him or until he accidentally let something slip. He hated that though because he couldn't stop the person he loved from hurting.

A couple of days after that Sirius and Remus were in their dorm, talking about Herbology homework that they did not want to do. James and Peter were in detention with Slughorn because they'd blew up a potion on purpose.

An empty goblet fell off the dresser, startling both boys. They both stood up to pick up the, thankfully unbroken, goblet. However before he could even get to the dresser, Remus tripped over a loose floorboard. Luckily, Sirius was near him so he grabbed his arm to stop him falling. Of course, Sirius had just grabbed onto an arm full of fresh cuts. Remus yelped and jumped backwards away from Sirius.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius said, immediately feeling guilty for hurting his friend.

Remus saw the look of guilt and self hatred on Sirius' face. He simply could not have Sirius thinking that this was his fault.

"It wasn't your fault," He mumbled quietly.

"What do you mean," Sirius asked, suddenly confused.

Remus sighed and sat down on his bed. Sirius got the message and sat down next to him, he watched Remus take a deep breath and then roll up his sleeves. What Sirius saw made him want to crush Remus in a hug, so he did. Sirius did not like the sight of cuts, too neatly arranged to be from his werewolf self, covering Remus' forearms. It made Sirius' heart sink.

"Why-why did you do this?" Was all Sirius managed to get out.

It was then, that he noticed the tears streaming down his best friends face. He intertwined their fingers to make Remus feel, at least slightly, better.

"There were just so many things-" he started, "There were so many things that were out of my control and they upset me. So-so I did this because I can control it."

"Remus," Sirius sighed sadly, "What were the things that upset you."

"Well, my Lycanthropy, my nightmares and, well, I can't tell you the other thing." Remus explained.

It saddened Sirius that the person he loved believed that he had to hide things from him.

"Well, I'm not going to stop helping you with the nightmares or your Lycanthropy. You need to stop this, please."
"But-" Remus tried to interject.

"No. You have to stop, if anything because it breaks my heart," Sirius admitted.

Remus took in a breath, "Okay."

Sirius hugged him tighter, "Thank you, but, what was the other thing? You don't need to lie to me, you can tell me anything."

Remus began staring at his lap. Anything to avoid Sirius' gaze.

"Please tell me," Sirius almost begged.

"Okay, alright. Well, it's just that- it's just that I- well- I love you," Remus admitted.

Sirius was completely shocked. Remus loved him back? In Sirius' state of shock, he had forgotten to reply so Remus began speaking again.

"I know you probably don't love me back so-"

"Shut up you idiot," Sirius chuckled, smiling slightly, "I love you too."

"You-you what?" He asked in shock.

"I love you too you idiot. I love everything about you. I love that you know what to do when I have a panic attack, I love that you sit with me when I can't get out of bed, I love that you instantly know when I'm sad and I love that you never actually call me Padfoot, always Pads. There are so many things I love about you Moony. But, most of all, I just love you."

"I love you too," Remus said, smiling.

A smile that was so bright Sirius had to return it.

They were no longer oblivious.