Butterflies

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen:  4:00pmFriday 20th April 2012- Church, Sydney Australia

Niall’s POV:

Niall walked into the quiet church, keeping his head down. As he took a seat next to his four best friends, he could hear people talking about him.

"That was her boyfriend" an old lady whispered.

"Poor boy." another answered, sympathetically shaking her head. Liam sat next to Niall, watching him. He had successfully made it through the surgery and was supposed to be resting, but they had talked the doctors into letting him out of the hospital to attened the funeral. Niall felt weird when he thought about his girlfriend’s kidney being inside his best friend’s body, and Liam felt quite guilty. Liam had never seen his best friend in so much pain before. Niall ran his fingers along the woodern pew he was sitting on.

“You okay?” Harry whispered to Niall, as the ceremony begun. Harry, Zayn, Louis and Liam watched Niall with concern as he swallowed hard and nodded. Niall didn’t want to come today. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He knew that after he said goodbye, life would have to return as normal. Niall knew life could never be normal again. Suddenly, soft music started playing as four men started walking the coffin down the aisle, towards the front of the church. Niall stiffened. Liam sensed this and put his hand on Niall’s knee as a sign of sympathy, but to also make sure Niall didn’t run away. Niall’s eyes stared at the ground as the priest started speaking. He wasn’t listening though. All he could think of was the time he spent with Rylee. All the time they spent laughing together and holding each other. Then it suddenly occurred to him that Rylee’s body was sitting inside the coffin, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stay. He didn’t want to say goodbye like this. Niall felt tears welling up in his eyes and pain shoot through his body. He couldn’t stay in the church, he had to say goodbye in the one place where no one was watching. He stood up, and everyone turned to face him. 

“Sit down Niall.”  Liam whispered. Without a second thought, Niall ran out of the church doors and toward the park.

Niall ran for what seemed like forever before reaching the clearing. When he got there, he let all of his emotions out. He sat in the middle of the clearing, where he and Rylee ate Nandos and had their first kiss. He remembered her soft lips tasting of lemonade, and her hands holding his cheeks and waist. He could still feel her touch. Niall felt lonely and longed for Rylee to be back in his arms. He wanted to hold her again. That’s when he remembered the letter. He hadn’t read it yet, he didn’t feel like it was the right time. Now though, was the right time. He pulled the crumpled letter out of his pocket and straightened it. Butterflies flew through his stomach. He was feeling them a lot lately. Niall began to read the letter.

“Niall,

I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through. You’re the love of my life. I should have told you I loved you more often than I did. I love everything about you. I love your cheeky smile, and how your gorgeous blue eyes always seemed to hypnotise me. I love how you kiss me, and how you try not to be too rough in case you hurt me. I love how you used to play with my hair. I love how you play guitar, and sing like an angel.  I love how you’re so genuine and down to earth. I love how I felt safe with you. How I could trust you with my life. You’re so kind and caring. I can’t believe that I’ve done this to you and put you in this situation; but I don’t regret my decision. I would have done this for any of the boys. I would have done it for you in a heartbeat. You’re probably heartbroken, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Please don’t blame the boys either, they didn’t know about my condition. Please tell them how sorry I am that I didn’t tell them, because I feel terrible. I just knew that they wouldn’t let me go ahead with the surgery if they’d known. I wish I could have one more night with you, just to say goodbye. I hate that I didn’t get to tell you all this in person. I feel guilty and selfish for what i've done to you. I never wanted to hurt you. Please stay safe, don’t do anything stupid. I love you Niall James Horan, and I always will.

Rylee, xoxo”

Tears had fallen onto the letter, making it wet and soggy. Niall put the letter on the grass next to him and pulled his knees up to his chest, before resting his head on top of them. He cried and sobbed loud, not holding any emotions inside. He didn’t care if anyone heard him. He needed to let it all out. Before long, the knees of his pants were wet with tears. It was starting to get dark now, but Niall couldn’t work up the courage to leave. He longed for his girlfriend back. When he finally calmed down and looked up, he noticed someone watching him from across the clearing.  Niall squinted as he tried to make out who it was. She had long blonde hair, long legs and eyes that shone in the moonlight.

“Rylee?” He whispered, standing up.

“Oh Niall,” she said sympathetically, walking towards to him. He couldn’t believe it. Was he imagining all this? “I’m so sorry Niall, I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

“Rylee why are you here?”

“I had to come and say goodbye, before I go for good.” She said. They stood with their faces only inches apart. Rylee held out both of her hands and Niall took them in his own. Even though she was a ghost, he could feel her as good as he could when she was alive. her touch gave him goosebumps. He ran his thumbs over the tops of her hands, feeling her soft, delicate skin. 

“How could you do this to me? I need you Rylee.” He said with tears trickling down his face and onto the grassy floor. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were pink from the cold. Niall stared deep into her apologetic eyes, but only found sadness and wariness.

“I had to Niall. You don’t know how hard it was, to make the decision and then to leave you." 

“You’re dead Rylee! I’m the one feeling the pain! “He yelled in-between tears. He didn’t want to yell at her, not when he knew this was the last time he would be able to speak to her.

“Don’t cry baby, I know it’s hard. I was selfish. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. “

“I would do anything to spend just one more night with you here in the clearing.” He cried.

“Me too, but Hun I have to go.” She  said as she tried to let go of his hands, but he wouldn’t let her go.

“Now?” He asked. “Just stay for a bit more. Please Rylee?” He begged, crying again. His eyes were raw and bloodshot and it hurt him to talk.

“Yes, now. I’m so sorry for putting you through this Niall. It hurts me to see you so broken and upset. If you ever need me, just talk to me, I’ll always listen to you.” Niall knew time was running out. 

“Kiss me.” Niall said, and without a thought, she kissed him. He felt her soft lips hard against his once again. He tried to savour the moment, knowing this was the last bit of time he would get with her. Rylee was the first one to pull away.

“I love you.” She said, as she turned her back and walked towards the gap in the clearing. Niall stared after her.

“I love you too.” Niall whispered. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and picked up the letter, carefully folding it and putting it in his pocket. He would forever keep it safe. Feeling numb, Niall took a deep breath, and  slowly made his way out of the clearing. He knew everything would be okay.