Devil or Divine || Completed

Chapter Nineteen: Apologies

Lilu convinced Jack to blow off steam somewhere else and sent me to the bar while she had a little chat with Fen. Didn't know where Jack went. Didn't really want to either. I was happy to get the chance to see my mysterious bartender friend. It had been a few days since seeing Lou, and I'd come to enjoy his company. He was more helpful than any other demon I'd met. There were a few questions I had for him. The first being how to get my damn emotions under control. I couldn't risk another surprise attack from Fen.

It was comforting, if only a little, that he hadn't taken advantage of my altered state last night. Jack's blood had left me... not myself. First, I almost gave into Jack, then Fen. Who'd have thought drugs still worked even during sleep. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't made me remember it, in such graphic detail. The thought sent shivers down my spine. It would take more than a drink or two to scrub those images from my brain. Me, twisting and moaning and completely embarrassing myself. He just stood by, watching and talking me through everything he was going to do to me when I finally chose him and ended our game.

Over my dead body.

Mixed emotions tore through me, making my head hurt. I should have been angrier. What Fen had done was more than violating. It was positively humiliating, especially releasing the information so publicly.

I groaned, running my hands through my absurdly long hair. It was growing so fast. Seemed as though it was only last week it fell just past my shoulders. Now it hung a few inches above my waist. Thinking about it, my clothes had been getting tighter in certain places over the past few days. Fucking gods. One of them had to be messing with me.

The anger I should have been feeling suddenly burst into flames. My face was hot, fingernails digging into my clenched palms. I was fuming by the time I reached the bar, slamming my fists down and grumbling an order to the bartender. Suddenly, seeing Lou was the last thing I wanted. Didn't know how much more of the divine I could handle. My eyes stayed glued to the booze-stained wood of the bar, refusing to meet the eye of the looming bartender, who was not budging despite my demand.

"That's no way to say hello," he said sternly, with the slightest hint of humor hidden under the surface.

Hearing his voice didn't make me feel better. Actually, for some reason, it made things worse. My stomach twisted and my thoughts raced so fast my head should have exploded. However, my pulse was a steady, heavy drum. The beating rang in my ears, pounded in my skull. It made my hands shake.

"No, but it's how I greet a bartender. Just get me a damn drink, Lou. I'm not in the mood."

"Shocking," he mocked, sauntering to the row of bottles, grabbing an unmarked bottle of amber liquid. "Here, this will take the edge off real quick."

I didn't think about it, just tipped back the drink. It was harsh, bitter. Burning its way down with a vengeance.

It was perfect.

Muttering a 'thank you', I finally let my gaze fall on him, and then quickly avert back to my trembling hands. Damn. Looking at anything masculine right now was a bad idea. As livid as I was, there was a feeling I couldn't deny. A particular desire I had yet to experience, and was suddenly so desperately wanting to.

I slammed the glass down. "Another."

With a chuckle, he complied and sloshed another few inches of liquid into the glass. As the fire settled in my stomach, I started to feel better. Lou was kind enough to keep the idle chatter light, and didn't ask why my eyes avoided him at all cost. He probably knew why. My emotions were anything but under control. But he wasn't commenting so it couldn't have been that bad.