𝙿𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙾𝚇 | 𝙿.𝙹𝙼 ✓

𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

Hey, pretty girl.

I hope you're finally relaxed somewhere peaceful, without a worry. I know life wasn't that fair to you and everything was so hectic in the end. Hopefully the afterlife is treating you better. I refuse to believe you don't exist anymore. Not when your memory is so strong.

I'm still wasting my days away in this tiny cell and my cellmate still manages to smell like bologna even on the days we don't have it. This place has always sucked. But now that I know you're gone, it makes it worse. I can't be there for Kook. And I can't find a distraction for my own pain.. I've developed some claustrophobia so it's even more unbearable. But it does get better when I'm allowed out into the sun. I think of you often then. Because, not to be corny but the sunshine reminds me of you. Remember that day you just sat in it at the estate and said you were getting vitamin C instead of D? That was too funny, you were kind of an idiot and I loved it.

I know my condition is mostly because of the grief though...

You're the first person I've ever really lost and I had no idea it could hurt this bad. We had just become a family. You, me and Kookie crumb. We always talk about you when he comes to visit and even though we usually end up crying, it's worth it. We like to reminisce about the good memories we made. Your laugh was the purest, for sure. A little ugly but pure, lol. I just wish we could have created more between us all.

There's times I miss Jimin too. He was crazy but still my friend. I know most of the way he was wasn't his fault. Especially coming from an orphan background myself... I understood him sometimes.

I know it's not the end. We'll see each other again. I'll hug you like there's no tomorrow and give you all the smooches you deserve. Gosh, I'm in tears thinking about it now. It'll be a happy moment.

Either way, I'll always keep my smile and goofball nature up just for you. You'll bless all my jokes right?!

I love you!!! Rest in peace, sleeping beauty.

– KTH ♡

Jimin's Note

Okay. Here it is... the note I'm supposed to write to you for therapy. You weren't lying, both Kims are real pains in the ass. They just never shut up.

I don't even know where to start since I can't think straight on this damn medication they've given me. That's right. Instead of shipping me off to jail in chains, they strapped me up in the asylum. I guess I don't mind... It's what you wanted for me; to get help.

Even though I give them a hard time most of it, I still end up reminding myself that this is for you and I have to see it through to the end. I don't know if i'll ever get out if here but it is what it is. I wasn't lying when I said you were my everything. Now that you're not here, I have so much trouble deciding what to live for.

I keep wanting to look for you and sometimes in the morning when I first wake up; that split second when I don't process reality right away, I keep thinking I might open my eyes to find you next to me. Sleeping peacefully with that gorgeous glow you always had.

I really fucking miss you. I know I was terrible for you. Just a terrible person all around.. I'm not gonna lie and say I've changed much because I haven't. I still have my outbursts but I'm taking it slow and actually getting better.

You were right about everything. there are things I'm learning about myself that I didn't even notice before because I was so focused on you... yes, it was only a year and a half but I can't explain it. I didn't exist before you either. Anyway, they might be minor things but I found out some facts about myself. You don't wanna hear what they are. But fuck it, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

I like peanut butter more than jelly but when they're together, it's like my taste buds are having a party. Weird, I know.

I like the shape of the moon when it's a crescent, I feel like it symbolizes me since I'm no longer whole without you. Mhm, I'm still super smooth as I ever been.

If I repeat something to myself three times in a row, it's embedded into my brain forever. Yeah, that makes me pretty damn smart, which is something you always told me but I never believed. Thank you, baby.

I also love to read, actually... Remember when you used to try to get me to read just because you loved to write? You said we'd be the perfect couple if I did.

Storytelling is kind of cool. They do this session with all of us I secretly enjoy. Because it's the one time the focus isn't on our messed up brains and we can just explore our imaginations.

Mostly everything ends up reminding me of you... and the fact that i'll never get the perfect life I wanted with you. My heart will be broken forever and I hate it. I feel bitter when I think about how you left this world and the way you never got anything you deserved.

So in honor of that, here's some things that I hate too.

I hate the color white yet it covers most of this place.

I hate the clothes I have to wear, I miss my designer brands and the freedom to wear whatever color I feel like. I also miss my Chanel watch. It's really off shining somewhere else without me to hold it. Just like you.

Oh yeah. There's also this girl that was admitted here for self-harm. I think she fancies me because she's super clingy and annoying with me. Part of me thinks that's the real reason her parents dumped her here. Could you maybe beat her ass in her dreams for me? After you visit me in mine, of course. Gratzie.

No but for real. Even though I miss you like crazy, I understand why the universe took you from me. I don't think of killing much anymore... I don't think of hurting others or committing devious acts to quench my sadistic tendencies. I actually acknowledge others' feelings for the most part and I only masturbate when I think of you like twice a day now. Priorities and goals are straight as a line. Ha.

Anyway, no matter how bad it hurts... I think I was meant to end up losing you... so I could find myself. You know, all that glass is half full bullshit you used to feed me. It's actually kinda true.

Like I said earlier. I know I put you through so many things you never deserved. It was fucked up. But I promise i'm working on it, I'm getting there; slowly but surely. And I promise to keep going. Just make sure you'll always be beside me and I can do it. I can do it for you. My forever; my one and only.

I love you. You have no idea how much of an understatement it is but I really, really love you... I know it wasn't your responsibility but you saved me.

With the most love and regret in my heart...
Yours always.

– Park Jimin.♡

End.