Becoming Normal

Chapter 31

It took a couple of weeks before November finally arrived, and the autumn weather had gotten more beautiful. The leaves had gotten more bright in color, the weather was still chilly but graceful at the same time, and it was also the month of the Poetry Slam. The event was taking place in the school's auditorium, and it was nearly full by the many people who had arrived to either perform their words or watch.

Among the contestant and sitting at the very edge of one of the rows that was close to the stage with no one next to her, Autumn nervously clenched her written poem in her hands while feeling her body temperature rise as she used her poem to fan herself. She glared around the audience, she didn't want her family to watch her for she knew it would make her more nervous. She hated having to tell them that, but she had to risk it.

Since he didn't want Autumn to see him, Tanner arrived a bit late so he could hide within the crowd as he took his seat towards the middle of a row. He didn't bring his poem with him, because it was already in his head and his heart, the same heart that was beating nervously, knowing that it was the day to show Autumn his true feelings. He then turned around to see Max towards the back with a video camera in his hand as he gave him a smile and a thumbs up making Tanner smile a little and feeling less nervous knowing that his friend was here to support him.

The first few contestants were pretty good with their poems, and Tanner could have sworn he nearly cried during one of them. But after a while, he watched as Autumn's row got up and headed into the back of the stage, knowing she'd be up soon. It was her turn after 3 more, and Tanner watched from a low angle to avoid being spotted as she slowly walked on stage with her head down and poem in her hand. He hoped that this experience wouldn't cause her to have another panic attack, this was her moment to shine, and he had to see it happen.

"Um-" she finally spoke into the microphone in a small voice "Excuse myself I haven't felt this nervous in a while."

Tanner could see the audience smiling with encouragement, and he felt himself do it to as Autumn pulled her hair back behind her ears and held her poem in front of her. She took a deep breath as she began-

When people see me, they see a girl who's shy

Every day after school I would go home and cry

All alone with no hope, I have nobody

Deep down I wanna be somebody

Nobody knows the real me

The side I refuse to be

Whenever I try, things go wrong

I might as well sing my swan song

Each day suffer fills my heart

Each day I grow more apart

Each day I wonder why I was born like this

Why can't I be blessed with bliss?

Others and I see me as weird

People to me are considered feared

I hide my eyes to avoid contact

Some wonder if it's real or an act

I know I am not the same

I wonder if I am to blame

But I know it's the monster inside of me

Mauling it's way out to be free

Every day I watch the world go by

I see it differently through my eyes

My senses tend to be stronger

I don't know if I can take it any longer

I see things others don't see

Certain noises can bother me

I cringe when I am touched

I focus on one subject too much

Sometimes my voice is loud

Sometimes it's soft like a cloud

I'm nervous and awkward in social scenes

It doesn't matter if they're adults or teens

But when fear strikes, that's when I shake

My world crumbles like an earthquake

I can't handle when things change

People wonder why I'm so strange

I wonder if this is how it's going to be

A life where no one can hear me plea

Words hurt me like sticks and stones

I really don't wanna die alone

No one should be judged by the way they were born

People can be roses but still have thorns

We're all different in our own ways

Even when we don't have much to say

I know that this monster will always be here

Everywhere I go it brings me fear

But it also blessed me with a creative mind

To look beyond from front to behind

Being an Aspie has made me unique

Some days I'm strong, some days I'm weak

And if you think I'm odd because it's true

Take a look at yourself. What about you?

As soon as she was finished, Tanner could see that she had tears in her eyes and sweat shining on her forehead. Just like the first poem he read from her, he was speechless, he had watched the girl he loved face her fear and expressing herself through the one thing she loved doing. Applauds and cheers filled his ears as he did the same, he watched as she took a deep breath while wiping the tears off her eyes and giving a small smile before walking back stage.

Tanner too could feel his eyes water with happiness, pretty soon it would be his turn to do the same thing, only it will be to express his feelings to Autumn.

Fun fact: When I was in the 8th grade, I actually performed in a poetry slam at my school. I wrote a poem about my shyness/ social anxiety because I didn't know about my Asperger's back then. And just like Autumn, I did tear up while performing, it felt so good to let my feelings out. I didn't win the poetry slam though, but I didn't mind, I didn't join to win.