Becoming Normal

Chapter 27

By the time he got back home, Tanner went inside and slowly shut the door, lost in his thoughts about what happened at the cafe that he could barely hear his sister calling him from the living room.

"Tanner!" she called out which finally caught his attention "I called you five times why didn't you answer me?"

He didn't answer, he just bit his lip to ease the pain he was in, but that didn't help.

"Hey what's wrong?" Ally asked, "You look like you've been crying."

"I don't wanna talk about it" he muttered while heading upstairs and keeping his head down to avoid showing the tears that were forming in his eyes.

"Tanner, what happened?" Ally asked with a worried look.

"I said I don't wanna talk about it" he declared a bit harshly "Just leave me alone."

He hated talking to his sister in a rude way, but he couldn't control it at this moment, because his mind was so focused on Autumn. When he entered his room, he plopped down on his bed and held a pillow to his chest, after a night of pain, he needed to hold something close while letting his tears fall onto the pillow he laid on.

Never in his life has he ever cried about a girl, especially a girl who was not like any other girls. She was special, she was so unique, and she was everything he ever wanted. But even though her disability prevented her from doing certain subjects such as showing love, he knew that deep down she wanted to get it out, to show that she can show love.

But right now, she didn't want to be near him anymore, and his heart has never felt the pain of heartbreak from a girl he loved.

Tanner did not sleep a wink for the past two days, and by the time Monday came, he was still too depressed to even leave for school, but he had to talk things out with Autumn, even if she didn't want to talk to him. He never told his mother and sister the truth of what happened that night, he didn't want to let anyone worry about him as much as he's worried about Autumn. So by the time he made it to school on Monday, the first place he knew where Autumn would be was the library, and he stood corrected when he saw her at her usual table and writing in her notebook with her hair draping down the side of her face-concealing her eyes, just like how she was before he met her.

He had a feeling she was most likely writing a depressing poem, and even though he shouldn't bother her, he couldn't stand seeing her in pain like he was, he had to talk to her.

"Autumn" he walked up to her as she looked up with her eyeliner slightly smeared, just like the day he first talked to her "Look I know you don't want to talk to me but I really need to talk to you."

"I already told you that you need to stay away from me" she muttered.

"Yeah well I'm not gonna listen" he declared while taking the seat in front of her "Look, I know how much pain you're in right now."

"Oh how would you know?" she snapped "You're normal, you don't have to suffer from a disability like I do every day."

"I know" he sighed "But that doesn't mean I don't feel the same pain as you."

He took a deep breath before continuing, knowing that things were gonna get hard.

"Autumn when you told me to stay away from you, do you have any idea how much that hurt me to hear that?"

She clenched her fists as he saw tears forming in her eyes. She gritted her teeth as she began to breathe heavily.

"Please don't have another panic attack because of me" he begged, "It kills me to see you like this."

"Then stop looking at me" she sniffed while avoiding eye contact "Just leave me alone."

"Not after I tell you what you need to hear" he declared, hoping she wouldn't run off "Look, I never regretted saying hi to you that day, and I never regretted to be your partner in English, you shouldn't think of those as mistakes. You may think that no one cares about you and that no one wants to be your friend, but look in front of you, you finally have someone who wants to give you the friendship that you deserve."

Autumn burst into tears as she lowered her head while still clenching her fists, and at that moment Tanner too began to feel tears form in his eyes.

"I know you're not like other girls" he added while feeling his chest tighten "But that's what I like about you, you're different, so unique, and I can't stop thinking about you."

At that point, Autumn lifted her head a bit.

"Yeah that's right you heard that" he declared "I can't stop thinking about you, you're in my mind every day. And I'm not afraid to admit this but- I think I'm in love with you."

He could finally feel the relief run through him, and by the looks of Autumn's face, she seemed really surprised.

"I know you're really surprised right now" he continued "But it's true, after spending time with you I realize that I wanna be with you, and if you don't want that I totally understand, I just like being your friend."

Autumn just sat there speechless with her eyes down as Tanner waited for a response.

"I-" she began shyly "I have never heard anyone tell me that before. And-"

She gulped "I think I might like you too."

Tanner nearly gasped by the sound of that, she actually likes him back, and she was brave enough to admit it.

"But-" she added as Tanner felt his heart crack "It won't work out, I know because I always lose interest in those who try to be my friend, no matter what I always lose them. I would love to be with you but- I don't wanna hurt you."

She gave a big sniff while wiping her tears away.

"I'm sorry but, I don't deserve to be with you" she added, not even taking a single glance into his eyes "I'm incapable of expressing love, I don't even know what falling in love feels like, I don't even know if I'm ready for it. I like you Tanner, but you need a girl who's able to show you that she loves you back, and not hide it from you. You need to find a girl who's actually normal."

And with that, she burst into tears again as she gathered her notebook and backpack.

"I'm sorry" she sniffed before walking away.

Now alone, Tanner couldn't believe that Autumn actually likes him back, but now he was more heartbroken than ever, knowing that she couldn't be with him because of fear of hurting him.