Finding Finley ✔

1

It's three a.m when I unlock the door to my dorm. The door hasn't even shut behind me when I begin kicking off my shoes and untying my tie. I throw my jacket and tie onto the small couch that Parker and I have on one side of the room, and start to unbutton my dress shirt.

I look over towards Parker's bed and see that it's empty. I didn't see him at the reception hall when I left so I'm sure he will be here soon, unless he found someone to go home with, which is always a possibility because it is Parker after all.

I'm exhausted. I didn't realize just how tired and drained I am until I got into the cab. I almost fell asleep on the short ride from the reception to the dorms. I let my dress pants fall to the floor and collapse onto my bed. Kit and El sure know how to have one hell of a wedding.

Today my twin brother married my best friend.

It sounds crazy, I know. I told them the same thing a year ago when they told me they were engaged. Actually, I was happy that they were engaged because there are no two people better suited for one another. The reason I told them that they were crazy is because after saying that they were engaged, they said that the wedding was in eight short months.

You would have to know Kit and Ellie to know that while they do seem young and crazy, this isn't some stupid decision they're making, or a mistake they're rushing in to. Kit and Ellie are just claiming their future together as soon as they possibly can, because they, better than anyone, know our time in this world is limited and life is short.

It's actually kind of brave if you think about it. I admire the hell out of them, both as a couple and as individuals.

Kit and I met Ellie our senior year of high school, she was new to John Rogers, and on that very first day she had Kit wrapped around her finger before first period. Their relationship had a lot of obstacles and low points the first year, but their highs outnumbered their lows tenfold.

They never gave up on each other, and to this day they've never had a fight - it's like they just click and it's always been that way. Kit had a brain tumor removed a few weeks before graduation, and then the two of them blew off college for a year to travel and live their lives to the fullest as a way to celebrate Kit having his life back.

They're both enrolled at Eastern with me now though, and after almost finishing their first year of college, they decided to celebrate by getting married. Kit and Ellie do things big, that's why it's three a.m and I'm just now getting home from their wedding reception that started at six p.m.

The door to my dorm opens and my best friend since middle school, Parker Daniels, stumbles in looking just as exhausted as I feel. Parker tosses his jacket on the couch with mine and starts dropping his clothes on the floor before repeating my actions and falling into his bed.

"Dude, your family knows how to party." He laughs, but his laugh quickly transforms into a yawn.

I let out a low laugh, "Yeah, who knew they had it in them."

"They're happy, man. I'm glad they're enjoying it, Kit deserves it." He plugs is phone into a charger and gets under his blankets.

Kit's last two years of high school were rough, not only for him but for me as well. While Ellie and Kit have left all the bad memories of our high school lives behind them and moved on, making a new life for themselves, it's not that easy for me.

When Kit ran off in the middle of the night to have his tumor removed in some never done before surgery, I was a nervous wreck - no I was worse than a nervous wreck. I couldn't eat or sleep and I was terrified that I was never going to see him again. My chest was tight from the minute I heard Ellie scream my name the morning he left, and it the tightness didn't dull until he got in the cab with us almost a week later. Ellie and I booked a flight to Houston, but by the time we had gotten there, Kit's surgery had already begun - it was the worst ten hours of my life and then when that was over, we had to wait for him to wake up. I was barely going through the motions and if it wasn't for Ellie, I don't think I would have made it through the waiting.

Before Kit's tumor was removed, I used to have nightmares of him dying. I would wake up and have a panic attack at the thought of a life without him. Ellie is the only person that knows this, but even she never really knew how bad it was.

Two days after prom I came downstairs and found the two of them in the kitchen making pancakes and dancing to an American Authors song. El was singing a long while she smiled and laughed with her head thrown back. Kit had been back for two weeks and he was totally healthy, he even had the CT scans to prove it. He had even wanted to bring his tumor back in a jar, but they said it wouldn't have been allowed on the plane. Despite all the proof that he was fine though, my mind wouldn't let me register it. While he and Ellie we dancing around the kitchen, I would be watching him, waiting for signs of a migraine or waiting for him to pass out again.

Eventually the nightmares and the constant worry about Kit's life disappeared. I'd only get them a couple times a year, mostly around the time Kit had to go in for his three month check ups to make sure his tumor wasn't back. While everyone else always seems so calm during those days of waiting for results to come back, I'm back to being a nervous wreck, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

After a while, everything was fine. Kit and Ellie were off traveling, I started college, and I hadn't felt the tightness in my chest in months. Then Kit and Ellie came back home and also started college, Ellie's mom got married, and everything was still fine.

And then one day a few weeks ago, I saw my dad at the grocery store. He caught me staring at him from across the produce section and for a minute I thought he was going to say something or at least acknowledge me, but he didn't. He just picked up his bag of apples and went on with his life.

Like I was nothing.

That night, I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't breathe.